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Published:December 15th, 2007 10:46 EST
Call off Christmas? Are You Barking Mad?

Call off Christmas? Are You Barking Mad?

By John Lillpop

Having just read Will Robert`s great article, I was inspired to create a new word to describe our shared anxiety about Christmas.

The new word is Christmasphobia.*

I just invented Christmasphobia* so it will not be on Webster`s online dictionary for a fortnight or so. You can google it all to hell, but to no avail for a few days. 

There is a patent pending, so do not even think about stealing my artful creation which is sure to have enormous commercial value!

In crafting MY new word, I listened to what Will said, mulled over his thoughts, and then formed me own independent thoughts.

To me way of thinking, Christmas should be a time of great joy and good will. People everywhere should be caught up in the "Christmas Spirit!"

Joy to the World and all that!

Calling it all off never occurred to me, I must admit.

Good heavens, I just mailed out expensive gifts to relatives, but have not received their gifts in return.  Calling off Christmas now would cost me untold booty and maybe some cold cash as well. 

Not cool, Will!

While Will and I are enamored with the joy of the season, I recognize that to some, Christmas is but a stark reminder of the grim consequences of allowing unwashed masses to express religious superstitions. To such people, an "over exuberance" of faith during the Christmas season is reckless and irresponsible!

Joy to the World, NOT!

Christmas haters, usually Democrats, experience great joy only when denying people of faith a smattering of joy. They go to great lengths to force the removal of offensive Nativity scenes, or to cause Christmas trees to be thrown out.

Shutting down an unconstitutional reenactment of the Christmas story by a class of sappy third graders caught up in the "Christmas Spirit" is a particular delight to leftists suffering from seasonal Christmasphobia.*

These are the same crazed liberals who find the Holy Bible to be a repugnant work of fantasy by simplistic mad men, but who find great wisdom, love and hope on every page of the Koran.

To these anti-Christmas naysayers, I simply say, "Humbug!"

There IS joy in the world.

Consider, please, these joyful events:

* The Iraq theater of the war on terror is being won by America, despite the wishful thinking of Harry Reid who prefers to believe that it is "lost."

* Hillary Clinton`s "inevitability" as the 44th President of the United States is no more. In fact, the old gal may not even win a single state primary or caucus!

* Don Imus is back on the radio, while the not so reverent Al Sharpton is back under investigation by the FBI and IRS.

* After declaring herself the "most powerful woman in the world" in January, Speaker Pelosi has been pummeled into submission by an 11 percent approval rating. Keeping Speaker Pelosi "declawed" is good for America!

* The fortunes of RINO candidate Rudy Giuliani have deteriorated to the point where it now appears likely that he may be prevented from turning the White House into an Italian harem.

* Mike Huckabee`s disservice while governor of Arkansas is being publicized, causing his "grin and spin" charm to fade. A crash landing of Huckabee`s presidential campaign appears imminent.

* Oklahoma is winning the battle against freeloading illegal aliens and their advocates, mostly racist men and women in the clergy, and corrupt lawyers.

* Barry Bonds` alleged crimes should keep the indicted left fielder out of the Hall of Fame, and earn him an asterisk (*) for hijacking the most coveted record in professional sports.

Best of all: George W. Bush`s lease on the Oval Office is set to expire in a little more than a year.

Joy to the World! Right, Will?

* The exclusive property of John Lillpop. May be subleased for $1,500 per use. Contact Judy Piazza for details.  No exceptions.