January 1st, 2009 20:18 EST
Americans Would Love To Have Sarah Palin As A Neighbor
" If they had to live next door to a celebrity, American adults would most like to be neighbors with Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and chat show host Oprah Winfrey.
But trouble-prone pop star Britney Spears would be the worst celebrity neighbour, according to a survey published on Tuesday of the most and least desirable well-known faces Americans would have in their backyard."
I live in a working class neighborhood, and the only celebrities likely to move next-door to me are the has-beens who appear on VH1 reality shows. But in my dreams it`s foxy Sarah Palin who comes over to borrow a cup of sugar.
I live in Central Virginia, far far away from New York City and D.C, but I`m sure that from Palin`s magical back porch I would be able to see those great American cities.
Maybe I could get a job as Palin`s pool boy, somebody has to keep her company when the First Dude is away hunting critters.
I`m surprised that anyone would want Oprah Winfrey as a neighbor, she`s so full of herself that she would demand that City Hall change the name of my street to Oprah Winfrey Avenue.
It would be a nightmare to have Britney Spears living in my block, the first thing she`d do when she moves in would be to install a turnstile in place of a front door to accommodate the never-ending parade of gentlemen callers.
Joe the Plumber also made the list of least-desirable neighbors. The unlicensed plumber is good for nothing, he may be up to his arms in crap, but he doesn`t know crap.
No list of least-desirable neighbors would be complete without Rosei O`Donnell, and sure enough she came in at second place. It would be so annoying having her as a neighbor, she would come over every day asking to borrow a side of beef or a keg of beer.
My next-door neighbor is an 80-something lady; I wish a reality show would pimp my neighborhood and evict the old lady and replace her with Salma Hayek.