PEOPLE OF EARTH, ATTENTION! WE ARE THE ALIENS OF THE B MOVIE NATION AND WE ARE TAKING OVER YOUR PLANET! WISH US LUCK!
Your planet is in peril. We have the solution for what ails you: a giant shot of "B."
My name is Will the Thrill
. You may know who I am. Probably not. I sometimes wear a fez hat but I am not a Muslim. Not that there`s anything wrong with that. I am what`s known as a "Lounge Lizard." I live on an island surrounded by tiki statues. The funny thing is, it is not located anywhere near Polynesia. Here is a picture of what I can see out of my front window:
The greatest tiki monster movie of all time is FROM HELL IT CAME.
(The link takes you to the imdb page which only gives it 2 1/2 stars - ignore that, it`s a masterpiece. This is part of your re-education.) This is also most likely the only
tiki monster movie ever made - and they weren`t even aware of it. It`s about a South Seas "native" (Gregg Palmer, of The Creature Walks Among Us
) who screws up and gets buried alive and comes back - grows back - as a killer tree, seeking revenge - very slow revenge, but he eventually gets his message out.The tree monster, "Tabanga," kind of looks like a tiki. Well, maybe that`s just me. It`s available on bootleg DVD from a variety of backdoor sources. Good luck with that.
Anyway, I am now the publicist for Monogram Releasing
, a movie distributor. They offer a broad economic stimulus package of Low Budget Movies for Low Budget Times. If you have a B movie you`d like distributed theatrically, we`d like to hear from you. You can reach me at email@example.com
. You can also just open up your window and yell,I have pretty good hearing. Don`t count on that, though.
This is simply an introductory note. We are a work in progress. You will be hearing more from us. Watch the skies.
Aloha for now, Will "the Thrill" Viharo