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Published:March 16th, 2009 10:54 EST
Clofu: Tofu That Tastes Like George Clooney

Clofu: Tofu That Tastes Like George Clooney

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Tofu, or bean curd (the literal translation), a food of Chinese origin, made by coagulating soy milk. and then pressing the resulting curds into blocks" Wikipedia

Tofu will never be mistaken for manna, it`s displeasing to the eye and unsettling to the stomach. Chefs will usually give a tofu dish a fancy name, but there`s no changing the fact that it`s coagulating soy milk.

Tofu doesn`t have a discernable flavor or smell, it`s always marinated in a sauce to make it more palatable. You could marinate a sponge in a delicious sauce and the result would be the same.

Tofu is a dish best enjoyed by vegetarians, vegans and masochists, never under any circumstances serve it to a person you wish to impress.

"PETA may have jumped the meat-flavored shark. In a letter to the actor (George Clooney), the animal rights organization asked nicely for a towel soaked in his manly scent, and through some complex process where they squeeze out his essence and mass-manufacture it, would end up with Clooney-flavored fake meat.

`Of course,` the letter explained, `your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu. But what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don`t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn`t`t know how t o cook it.`"

PETA is tilting at windmills, they will never convince regular folks that tofu is cool and appetizing. Tofu is bad enough, but tofu that has been chemically engineered to smell like George Clooney is enough to make anyone nauseous.

Clooney is a great actor and a terrific person, but even if you bribed me with a million bucks I wouldn`t eat Clofu.

I am so disgusted at PETA, I`m going to KFC and order a 30 piece chicken basket.