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Published:March 18th, 2009 13:44 EST
Lindsay Lohan And Sam Ronson: The all-American Couple of 21st Century?

Lindsay Lohan And Sam Ronson: The all-American Couple of 21st Century?

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Los Angeles-based artist Ben Tegel created his latest Lohan-inspired work for a poster promoting Girl on Girl night at the Viper Room rock club. The image is a take on Grant Wood`s iconic 1930 portrait, American Gothic, with Samantha Ronson as the pitchfork-holding farmer and LiLo as her wife.

But what`s it all mean? The artist explained to me:

`Lindsay and Sam are the all-American couple for the 21st century,` Tegel said. `I call it American Sapphic.`"

Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are the Holy Trinity of American culture. They hold more sway over the public`s imagination than Jesus, Jehovah and the Holy Ghost.

If a painter or a writer wants to capture the heartbeat of society, he will turn his attention to these skanky muses. I write well over 700 essays a year, and I touch on every subject from politics to religion and global warming to celebrity gossip. My entertainment pieces are by far the most popular, my readers can`t get enough of the slutty triplets.

I`m not surprised that a prestigious artist has devoted countless hours to create a series of Lohan paintings. One masterpiece can`t capture the essence of the multi-faceted Lohan. There`s Lohan the freckled-faced innocent of Disney films; Lohan the dissolute Hollywood starlet; Lohan the boy crazy fiend who beds every poseur, and Lohan the lipstick lesbian.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are a perfect example of the American couple of the 21st century. They have a relationship based not on love and trust -- they have only an insatiable hunger for sex, drama and publicity. The average coupling is not built for permanence, but to satisfy temporary needs. When Lohan decides to revive her career she will dump Sam ,and date a leading Hollywood actor who will generate more publicity.

American Gothic is like so yesterday, American Sapphic can best be described by Paris Hilton`s catchphrase: That`s hot