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Published:July 1st, 2010 13:30 EST
tiger woods

OMG! Tiger Woods To Shell Out $750 Million In Divorce Settlement

By Robert Paul Reyes

"Elin Nordegren gets $750 million in her divorce from Woods. That leaves the previous record holder, ex-Mrs. Michael Jordan and her $168 million, in the dust.

tiger woodsSecond best part: Elin`s banned from yakking about any of this. No books, no weeping to Oprah about what she did, or didn`t do, to Tiger in his Cadillac Escalade in the driveway of their Florida home." Margery Eagan/Boston Herald

On Thanksgiving night 2009 Tiger Woods hurriedly left his home (to escape his wife`s wrath) around 2:00 a.m. in his Cadillac Escalade, when he collided with a hedge, a fire hydrant, and finally a tree down the street.

Little did Tiger realize at that time that the few thousands dollars of damage to his car would only be the beginning of a financial drain that would cost him hundreds of millions.

We all know the rest of the story: Sponsors dropped Tiger, fans turned against him, and he became the butt of jokes.

Reputable newspapers, magazines and Web sites are reporting that Tiger`s divorce is almost finalized, and that Elin will receive a whopping $750 million. Math is not my forte, I wonder how much that is per bimbo. Ever time Tiger did the nasty with a prostitute or a cocktail waitress it cost him millions.

Thank goodness that as part of the divorce settlement the disgraced golfer won`t be allowed to bring his prostitutes, cocktail waitresses, party girls, porn stars and assorted riff-raff around his innocent children.

And Elin for her part has to keep her mouth quiet, she can`t write a tell-all book or cry on Oprah`s couch.

I am very happy for Elin and her children, and I wish them nothing but the best. As for Tiger Woods, I hope the idiot realizes that he is not husband or father material. Tiger should never get married again, and if he wants to he can spend the rest of his life bedding skanks.

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