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Published:October 6th, 2009 16:38 EST
Otter Puts on a Good Act

Otter Puts on a Good Act

By Tony Graff

Before us is another shining example of the intelligence it takes to run a major company. Shell executives responded to an oil spill last week to find a 40-pound otter attempting to clean the oil from itself. Their response? 

"The otter put on quite a show. He had no trouble cleaning itself off before the news crews and video cameras arrived, then it`s severe spastic convulsions this and complete kidney failure that." 

The truth of the matter: The otter was suffering from anaphylactic shock. While animal rescue workers, Greenpeace officers, and clean up crew "bought in to the mammals twisted little game" as the Shell exec continued, many other employees had to throw in their two cents. 

Jorma J. Ollila, a chairman with Shell, called the otter a master manipulator, and maintained that he simply needed to grow up. Further, she praised oil soaked pelicans and turtles for remaining quiet and strong and not putting on a show for the people that would believe the big production of the otter, who at press time was in critical condition. 

As I read the article, courtesy of the Onion, ( the only thought that ran through my brain was, "Are they serious?" I`m no doctor Doolittle, nor am I the animal whisperer by any means, but dumping 860,000 gallons of crude petroleum into the ocean doesn`t seem like a good thing. Nor a healthy one, as demonstrated by the "ridiculous acting" of the otter that got most of the press time. 

Even a CEO couldn`t help adding more stupidity logs to the fire. "Don`t you people get it?" He asked the press. "This is exactly what he wants. You are playing right into his twisted little game." If the otter planned his severe dehydration and lack of oxygen that well, maybe he`s smart enough he should be running Shell, and not the people who would blame an otter that got hundreds of gallons of oil dumped in his home of making Shell look like the bad guy. 

Environmental extremism aside, if almost a million gallons of oil gets spilled into the ocean, and the only one who makes a stand against it is an otter, then I think we all need to take a serious look at where our attention lies. Believe me, I love oil as much as the next average American, but I don`t like seeing it go into the ocean, where the company that covers it becoming the gas I put in my tank spends their time trivializing it. Not cool, my friends. Not cool. 

The media foolishness came to a close with chairman Ollila saying to stop coddling the oil soaked otter. If we don`t, "other otters are just going to pull that crap the next time one of our tankers ruptures and spills crude oil everywhere." If Shell is already planning future oil spills, I hope other otters do. Maybe then we can get the picture... or some new Shell executives.