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Published:March 3rd, 2008 13:42 EST
You Want the REAL Bacon Burger?

You Want the REAL Bacon Burger?

By Rocco Loosbrock

Are you officially sick and tired of all the fast food chains arguing with one another over the air-waves, about who truly make the REAL " Bacon Burger? I know I am. The truth is, none of them do " not really, and for one very simple reason. A REAL " Bacon Burger is a burger made out of bacon, not just a passing, popular trend of dropping a few measly, paper-thin, overly burnt chips of bacon remnants on top of ones regular old bargain burger, like a mere garnish.

I`ve had some fast-food bacon burgers that actually had more lettuce, cheese, secret sauce and pickles than bacon! Now don`t get me wrong; I absolutely love cheese, pickles and lettuce. And don`t even get me started on the plethora of various cryptically covert and utterly undercover, undisclosed secret sauces " " because that`s something I truly am a major fan of.

But, it`s not BACON! Hey, Mr. & Mrs. Fast-Food franchisee: I just drove nearly 90 feet out of my way and paid my hard-earned money for your much ballyhooed, overly-advertised bacon burger, not for your seductively scrumptious and sordidly savory secret sauce! Now, if you want to call it your special select Secret Sauce Sandwich " then maybe we`ll be back; but right now we gotta go find ourselves some REAL Bacon Burgers!

Look no more, my friends, because the treasure that you seek is now as close to your grasp as your computer screen is to your nose. Coastal Vineyard`s Bacon Freak " now freely offers the world its very own Secret Recipe " to making a truly authentic Bacon Burger.

Here`s what you do. Get out your trusty meat grinder and grind a pound of uncooked, gourmet bacon. Then grind it again. That`s right. For the proper fine " consistency, you`re going to want to send it through a second time.

Then, proudly take that full pound of ground bacon and lovingly hand pat it and mold it with a little bit of Tabasco and Worcestershire sauce, into 4 nice, big, quarter-pound patties.

Next, put the patties on a skillet (preferably cast iron) to more evenly distribute the heat in a universal consistency, and shake some onion and garlic powder onto the burgers as they cook over a medium flame.

Be sure to cook them all the way through, but don`t burn them or make them brittle or transform them into crackly, crunchy charcoal clumps!

As the burgers cook, go ahead and toss eight pieces of some bread on plates and do them over just right with some lettuce, onions, mayo, mustard and ketchup " or perhaps now would be a truly great time to create a Special Secret Sauce " of your very own.

Then simply let some room temperature, medium-sliced cheddar cheese start melting on top of the burgers during their final flip on the grill. Prepare yourself to enjoy the eclectic epicurean experience of enthralled ecstasy, as you finally taste the truth that we here at the Bacon Freak " like to refer to as a bona-fide bacon burger bonanza! "

Bon Appétit!