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Published:June 26th, 2008 18:04 EST
Ten Best Ways Of Eating Watermelon

Ten Best Ways Of Eating Watermelon

By Robert Paul Reyes

The Fourth of July is right around the corner, time for parades, picnics, fireworks and delicious watermelon.

watermelonWhat`s the best way to eat watermelon?

I have a friend who removes the rind, cuts the watermelon into little wedges, and serves it on a crystal dish. Thanks but no thanks. I know that too much of a good thing may be a bad idea, but too little of a good thing is always wrong.

Some serve watermelon, along with bits of melon, pineapple and other mouth-watering favorites. Watermelon is the manna of the fruit world, serving it along with other fruits is like a car dealer displaying a Rolls Royce next to a Ford Pinto and a Chevrolet Chevette.

I`ve even seen watermelon served in a glass filled with soda, but this is redundant since watermelon is over 90% water.

There`s a recipe online for Grilled Watermelon with Goat Cheese, Tomato Tart, Pancetta, and Tomato Water Cloud. This only goes to prove that a chef should never smoke weed when he`s creating a new recipe. To grill watermelon and rob it of it`s water quenching essence is akin to serving Spaghetti with Meat Balls and substituting cotton balls for the meat balls.

Some folks like to sprinkle a little salt or pepper on their watermelon, but this is heresy. You might as well pour salt into a glass of water before you drink it.

I`ve eaten watermelon salad on a few occasions, but I always end up picking the bits of watermelon, and leaving behind the mint leaves, bacon bits and everything else.

I`ve heard that some people like watermelon soup, but I`ve never tasted this abomination. Soup should be nice and hot, watermelon is nice and cool. -- combing the two is the work of the devil.

How about Calamari with Watermelon? Calamari (squid) has a disgusting texture, watermelon is the food of the gods. How dare anyone prepare such an ungodly concoction?

A watermelon shake or smoothie is not a bad idea, but watermelon is the perfect fruit and best served as nature intended.

And now for the best way to eat watermelon:

My pit bull is very energetic, she puts all of her energy into everything she does. When she drinks from her water bowl, she puts her whole snout into the bull and when she is done sating her thirst her whole head is dripping.

The best way to eat watermelon is to cut yourself a huge slice, and just stick your head in the delicious fruit, letting the juice drip from your chin.