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Published:June 20th, 2006 18:26 EST
Do You Want to Find Your Soulmate?

Do You Want to Find Your Soulmate?

By Carolyn Porter, D. Div. (Mentor/Columnist)

As a wholeness coach, I so often hear the rather desperate sounding comments of clients who want to find their soulmate, even amongst those who are presently married. (obviously unhappily) Most individuals long for companionship, someone with whom to share their life, instead of continued aloneness. Yet so many individuals find themselves alone night after night, dreaming of that perfect " soulmate.

Some years ago I found myself divorced and into the dating scene for the first time since my early twenties, when I had married. It was scary to me because I wanted a deeper relationship this time, one in which I could have a best friend, a support person, a companion, lots of laughter, and above all a deep spiritual connection " that longed-for soulmate connection. If this is what you are looking for, then I invite you to  continue reading.

I went on a few dates but there was no chemistry, and I quickly realized, since I was very particular about who I would date, this was not going to be easy. My standards are high and I knew what I didn`t want, so dating became a bit of a chore. Some of my friends attempted to fix me up but that didn`t appeal to me. Others convinced me to join some singles groups, but I found the guys in those groups the opposite of my desires. Some people actually tried to get me to look for someone on an internet matching website. Instead I chose to remain home most weekends or went out with girlfriends when they were available. I knew there was someone for me somewhere and I simply asked God to take over with this request. I did become a workaholic for a while; with a new business I had much to do. And then there were my children.

Months went by, even a couple years, and a very dear male friend and I were talking one day. Although he wasn`t but a few years older than me he felt more like a father figure " very wise and very caring. I mentioned how I couldn`t find anybody I wanted to date and wondered how long it would take to find my soulmate. (He had attracted his soulmate years ago.) From his deep wisdom he said he had a fool-proof way for me to attract my soulmate right to my door. I was all ears!

Here is what his instructions were. First, I was to write down everything I wanted in this man. He said to be very specific and include everything, focusing mainly on the qualities of the person rather than the physical. He then told me that when I was finished I was to call him no matter what time it was. So I wrote my list, 19 qualities in all, and called him back. He had me read them to him, then to my amazement he asked if any of those 19 things were things I didn`t do well. I looked them over and decided there were four things that needed some work. (one was to have fun, including lots of laughter) To that he replied that I was to work on those four things and when they were completed my soulmate would show up.

Why did he say this? Because we are magnets. We`re composed of energy and whatever we are we attract the same to us. This meant that in order for me to attract someone with the 19 qualities I wanted, I had to be those qualities first. Yikes! Talk about putting the responsibility back on my shoulders. This meant I had some work to do on me and it was probably going to take some time.

I began working on those qualities that I lacked and guess what happened. I learned to like myself, even love myself, and I actually got to the point of enjoying my own company! I grew stronger and more confident, wrote a couple books among other things, and came to the realization that when the timing was right this person would show up. I learned to have fun in simple ways that before were not in my comprehension. And I shifted my attitude into one of gratitude. You see, when you place an intention out to the universe, the universe begins the process of bringing it to you. By saying thank you, " even though it isn`t here yet, you are acknowledging that you believe your request is coming. This is a positive affirmation of your belief that you deserve the good you are intending.

Waiting is the hardest part for everyone. People by nature want what they want when they want it, no waiting, so often go about trying to make something happen on their own. (Perhaps this is why the credit card industry and individuals using credit has gotten so out of hand!) You may find someone but when doing the hunting yourself and not waiting for the person the universe is bringing per your desire, it will create another detour in your life with more lessons to learn. In addition, if you push ahead to find this person and you haven`t completed all the work on yourself, you will actually attract (find) someone less than you desire. The reason is that you will be attracting someone where you are at that moment; it`s all about your vibration connecting with their vibration at the same level.

A couple years went by, months that were filled with working on me, finding that inner happiness that is the only true happiness. I learned along the way that I am valuable, worthy of all good, and I decided not to compromise in any way as I waited for my soulmate. When opportunities arose for a date I might proceed with caution, but if it didn`t feel right I simply said no thank you. " Again it meant waiting and not compromising what I wanted.

Then it happened. I wasn`t expecting it as I was busy living my life and happy in it. He seemed nice and yet the thought of him as my soulmate didn`t really cross my mind. We dated some but I considered him more of a friend. But something began to happen. Over the weeks I noticed that one by one those 19 qualities I had asked for in a man were surfacing. And one day I realized he had all 19 and it blew my mind. I never suspected he was the gift the universe had sent me until I opened up my eyes wide. Sometimes a gift is right in front of your face but you don`t see it clearly. Wow! This does work!

So yes, this foolproof way of invoking your soulmate is authentic. You will have to wait for the perfect timing of it to unfold. Patience is an art. Waiting always brings you the desire of your heart unless you get in the way. If you try to make it happen when you want it to happen, you are getting in the way. Let me summarize the steps to attracting your perfect person to you. (Perfect doesn`t mean they are perfect in all they do, but it does mean they are a perfect fit for you!)

Make a physical list of ALL the qualities you wish for this person to have. Be very specific.

Physical characteristics are okay to list as well, but focus

on the inner qualities. Keep your list visible so you can

read it over frequently, perhaps even placing it on your

bathroom mirror.


  1. Any qualities on your list that you don`t do well, begin working on changing them.

Remember that you are the magnet and so you must become what you desire in another.


  1. Continue to be thankful for this person who is coming to you in divine timing.


  1. Let your quest go completely. Get out of the way of the universal energy that is now working on fulfilling your request. Know that you do not need to do anything. This is key because humans by nature think they must do something in order to get what they want. Actually, everything in alignment with your soul`s true desire comes effortlessly.


  1. Patiently wait. Go about your life with the knowing that all is coming to you that you desire.

The beauty in all this is the ease at which it is brought to you when you are in the place of knowing, peace and trust. If you are continually bemoaning your lack of a soulmate, worrying about it, or even angry because this soulmate isn`t finding you, you are in a negative emotional vibration of fear, and you can only bring more of the same into new life experiences. I know because I did this. But when I switched to the place of allowing the universe to do the work and let go of my negative patterns, not only did I become happy and at peace with me, but my desire showed up in divine timing.

In all of life the same principle works. Create an intention of what you desire, making sure it comes from a loving thought. Put it out to the universe and be thankful for it because by getting out of the way it will come to you in perfect timing. This is not just head knowledge, for head knowledge alone will not work. It is an inner knowing that all is working together for you. This has never failed in my life and the same can be true for your life.  The universe wants to bring your desires to you. So why not try it? You will be amazed at the wonderful results!


Carolyn Porter, D. Div.

Empower Productions, Inc.

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