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Published:February 15th, 2009 17:10 EST
The Older The Better

The Older The Better

By SOP newswire2

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, `Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.`
The gentleman replied, `Oh, I haven`t told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I`ve changed my will three times!`

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: `Slim, I`m 83 years old now and I` m just full of aches and pains. I know you`re about my age. How do you feel?`
Slim says, `I feel just like a newborn baby.`
`Really!? Like a newborn baby!?`
`Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.`

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple`s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, `Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.`
The other man said, `What is the name of the restaurant?`
The first man thought and thought and finally said, `What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that`s red and has thorns.`
`Do you mean a rose?`
`Yes, that`s the one,` replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, `Rose, what`s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?`

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being   discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn`t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
`I don`t know,` he said. `She`s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.`

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they`re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. `Want anything while I`m in the kitchen?` he asks.
`Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?`
`Don`t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?` she asks.
`No, I can remember it.`
`Well, I`d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so`s not to forget it?`
He says, `I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.` `I`d also like whipped cream. I`m certain you`ll forget that, write it down?` she asks.
Irritated, he says, `I don`t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!`
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
`Where`s my toast ?`

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
`So I hear you`re getting married?`
`Do I know her?`
`This woman, is she good looking?`
`Not really.`
`Is she a good cook?`
`Naw, she can`t cook too well.`
`Does she have lots of money?`
`Nope! Poor as a church mouse.`
`Well, then, is she good in bed?`
`I don`t know.`
`Why in the world do you want to marry her then ?`
`Because she can still drive!`

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, `Windy, isn`t it?`
Second one says, `No, it`s Thursday!`
Third one says, `So am I. Let`s go get a beer.`

A man was telling his neighbor, `I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it`s state of the art. It`s perfect. `
`Really,` answered the neighbor . `What kind is it?`
` Twelve thirty .`

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, `You`re really doing great, aren`t you?`
Morris replied, `Just doing what you said, Doc: `Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.``
The doctor said, `I didn`t say that. I said, `You`ve got a heart murmur; be careful.`

One more. . .!

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, `Crushed nuts?`
`No,` he replied, `Arthritis.`

Like those?
Now, before you `forget`, send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laff !