Published:August 2nd, 2010 15:36 EST

The economy is so bad that...

The economy is so bad that-

. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

. African television stations are now showing `Sponsor an American Child` commercials!

. Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can`t afford batteries.

. I ordered a burger at McDonald`s and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

. CEO`s are now playing miniature golf.

. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

. My ATM gave me an IOU!

. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

. I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

. McDonald`s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children`s names.

. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn`t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

. Motel Six won`t leave the light on anymore.

. A picture is now only worth 200 words.

. They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."

. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

And, finally...

. I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...