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Published:November 16th, 2009 21:11 EST
Flying Your Cute Toddler Across America

Flying Your Cute Toddler Across America

By Mark Freedman

Five in the morning is always a beautiful time to wash your face with warm water, change your daughter`s diaper. (Yes I wonder when she will be potty trained too), and have mommy drive you and baby to the airport for a 7:00 A.M flight from MONTANA to FLORIDA.

I did not think my baby Elizabeth could be so wide awake at the tiny airport in Kalispell Montana, but sure enough she loves elevators. We went up and down, up and down, until I personally wanted the Elevator to break. She would push the alarm as expected and I would laugh and giggle in slow motion at the beauty and awesomeness of my 22 month year old girl.

I thought this trip would be terrible. Sure enough it was AWESOME!!!, amazing if you will. Let me elaborate.

The first flight from Montana to Denver was a two hour flight. Elizabeth just wiggled in my arms like a little birdie wanting to be in the clouds. Well if she had a parachute attached I may have made her dream come true. If she was not bouncing on my lap, she was squeezing her head through the seats in front of her and getting stuck. If she was not getting stuck she was laughing and buckling and unbuckling her own seat belt. When she was not practicing safety instructions, she was picking her nose, looking at me and peeing. Her pee seeped through her sweat pants not thirty minutes into the flight. So, in a small confined seat I changed her. This means her head was dangling in the isle as the flight attendants passed through the cabin with COKE ONLY PRODUCTS. I had only seconds before the cart would hit my poor baby in the head!!!!!!! time was of the essence and I was running out!!!!!! 3.2.1 just as 1 second approached I quickly pulled her to safety fully dressed and wearing a clean diaper. Where is the dirty diaper you may ask?....... You will have to fly to Denver to find out!....

All in all this flight was wonderful. Elizabeth was in a good mood the whole time!!!! When we landed she watched the wings in amazement. o0o0o AHHHHHHo0o0o0o AHAHAHA..... My child, learning the ins and outs of flying.

Denver was a short lay over. Elizabeth just ran around the terminal happy as could be. We found a "FAMILY" bathroom, where I recommend everyone take your kids. You can lock the door and let her run around in there and not have to worry about anything. Except if she will touch the toilet, or the floor or the sink... I changed her.. Her little blue eyes stared at me as we continued our journey together across the country.

After regrouping, we went out to wait for our next plane. By wait I mean chased Elizabeth into windows and oncoming pedestrian traffic. She was happy as could be, laughing the whole way to nap time land.....
Denver to Washington Dc would be a little bit longer flight. I still worried that she would be a terror, but so far had shown no signs accept for peeing on my lap. She had not even got upset at anything yet.........
Off we flew, another great flight!!!!!!! Was it my lucky day!!!! A toddler and me almost across the country and we had had nothing but fun!!!! The layovers were short..... It was wonderful... we laughed, we giggled, We made faces and she picked her nose and made me eat it. The joy was truly indescribable.

............Until we started to taxi to the runway to fly from D.C to Jacksonville Florida.

Now, I would like to say that this little angel took a nice nap and woke up with gleam in her eyes. But this is what really happened.

We are seated on the little plane to Florida. I`m sweaty from a long day of flying. It is now around 5 pm. This angel that I created was fidgety as normal, with a slight misconception that the window was double paned and she could not go outside.

At this moment, as we taxied to the run way........a tall athletic black man sat next to us. Wearing his gold watch and rapper style jeans. He said "I can move"....I`m sure you can, I thought. Who wants to sit next to a stinky hairy, non shaven Mr. mom with Oreo crumbs all over his lap. This is when the kicking began.............I had to hold her still until take off and for some reason at 5pm Elizabeth did not want to be incarcerated. Instead she wanted to throw her Oreos and kick the chair in front of me and begin what would become the longest tantrum I have ever seen.

The black man asked to move. The screaming got worse. The scream eventually turned into one constant pitch. Followed by Oreo drool and a flood of tears. Then came to punches to the face, more drool and more drool onto the black man`s pants. (Serves him right, for wanting to move)....I became numb to the fact that I was completely embarrassed. All I could do was hold her and tell her that everything would be ok. Everything was ok. She would be ok.

Eventually the black guy did move and Elizabeth sat next to me. The rest of the flight was wonderful!!!!!....Our trip to Florida was wonderful!!!!!!  And I even got to fly back alone. She stayed with GREAT GRANDPARENTS and has flown back to another city in Montana. We will reconvene at thanksgiving.  I love Elizabeth so much!!!! She was a great travel buddy. I surely won`t forget our trip from MONTANA to FLORIDA. Just me and her. That`s right. ME and HER. No mommy...... mommy relaxed at home, drinking fine wine and eating freshly cooked salmon.