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Published:September 12th, 2009 11:45 EST
Attention Veterans Returning from All Wars

Attention Veterans Returning from All Wars

By Fred Rendon

For those of you who have been back from the war in Iraq or Afghanistan, for those Veterans from the Gulf war or any of the wars who are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I would like you read this article with an open mind. I would like for you imagine waking up in the morning and not feeling the dread of another day. The mood swings you have and you can almost feel them coming on but you do not know what to do about them. I am talking to the Veterans who came back home and feel like they do not fit at home any more. If you are still in the military you are a little more comfortable with other Veterans but the reality is you are not happy and it has been a long time since you were happy.


Nightmares that appear so real and have to do with firing weapons or being lost in what appears to be a foggy mist and you cannot seem to find your way out. Your mind is in a constant turmoil and you wish you knew what was wrong with you. Some of you are thinking but I did not see a lot of action, I am not a killer I am just a guy or girl Veteran who happened to be scared many times while I was over there. I might have witnessed a death or almost been killed but I am OK why am I having these feelings. I feel so worthless and like I am a nobody ". I feel bad about the veterans who are still there, I wonder why I was spared when so many others better than me died.  People tell me hey why don`t you just forget about that crap ". I see people who are happy and I wonder if they are faking being happy or content. I see people who are very self confident or with great jobs and I cannot even hold a job. More often than not I get drunk or smoke pot or coke, so that I can feel something a little different.


 However now I have been drinking and drugging so long that it has become a whole new problem. People tell me about not drinking and I tell them to leave me alone. After a while I drink by myself. I try not to be around people because they do not understand me. I try not to interact with my wife because she does not understand how I feel. Sleeping is not really an option I have nightmares. I have woke up and been chocking my wife or screaming at the top of my lungs.  How long can this insanity last?


I have been going to counseling for a while now and everything I hear is true but it does not make me feel better. I am constantly feeling like someone is going to die and I will lose it. I feel like I am on the brink of losing my mind. Every day is just like the previous day. I believe in God with all my heart and soul and when I was at my lowest points out on the streets of Dallas, with my wife and children staying at a relative`s home and I was in the street because no one wanted to support a lazy good for nothing man who did not want to work. Even then I would get mad at God and tell Him you are giving me more that I can handle you have way too much faith in me. I would cry with anger and amazement at why my life was so rough. I had no one to talk to, except for my conversations with my Lord. I would pray and say you must have something really wonderful in store for me and I will wait on you.


What I am trying to get across to you Veterans is not about my faith in God or about how well I accepted the difficulty of PTSD, I want you to know that if you feel these things that I have mentioned chances are you have what I had. If you are having similar feelings and thoughts then chances are you have PTSD. You are not going crazy and you can get better. You can go to a life so wonderful it will blow your mind, freak you out, or whatever the word for feeling great is today.


Your entire life will change and you will begin waking in the mornings being so thankful to God for the day. I suffered a whole life time with PTSD but you do not have to. I repeat you do not have to. There is a program in Dallas Texas I went through that program and I got rid of PTSD for me and it has been almost a year. Maybe I am in remission but I do not care, I feel great and so can you. I am not getting anything for writing this article except for the satisfaction of knowing that some of you guys may contact me and have a great life without PTSD. A fighting chance in life without the baggage PTSD gives you to carry around. I pray that no one suffers the way I did for a life time it is a hell on earth and no one deserves that.