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Published:December 9th, 2009 18:46 EST
Italian 'POPERA' Superstar, Andrea Bocelli, Hangs Cloud-Nine Holly on "My Christmas"!

Italian 'POPERA' Superstar, Andrea Bocelli, Hangs Cloud-Nine Holly on "My Christmas"!

By John G. Kays

This is a free-flowing review of My Christmas. Just typed the first thing that flowed outta my fingertips. Didn`t consider, didn`t contrive. Had no predetermined verdict. Has an open mind. Apollo`s free-flowing happy holiday fun record buy it dude!

 

 Forever free-flowing on streams of eternal flippant strident dearth and girt true grit girthful girdles of glee. This is beatnik jargon, but will sooth like bengay on hot Arabian nights. Max factor Lawrence ferlinghetti with a back smock.

 

 The record gets an A+ but I don`t care. It makes you feel. Gets you off! Makes for a Spenderific holiday season. Andrea`s a square, but groovy through and through. Being hip`s not the world, nor is it a prerequisite of this writer. Andrea has his own niche, I (we) just need to join him in his hovel-hell-hole of ecstasy.

 

And so I squall, so I ululate on waxen grooves of internet fiber optics! Sonic bursts of pompous POPERA, yuletide spasms, jowls that HOWL for evermore! Beacons of freedom paul revere and the raiders the olde north church one bundle big Kahoka with kahona.

 

. Carnival madness masks of Venetian minstrels flabbergast of troubadours on gondoliers gentle streams an` lovebirds glide down to gentle lovetide of bay an` halfmoon dreams of yesteryear

 

White Christmas is mellow yellow dreamy pastoral fragrance incense then rotates Italian scatters of cello rinky dink keys warbling gentle vocals sensitivity with Irving Berlin. Good day sunshine enunciations treetop glisten, e viene giu dal ciel, lento, un dolce canto ammaliator.

 

 Melody modulation on with every Christmas card I write. Understated hold that note out-tro easy listening mainstream elevator ringtone lullaby peace on earth good will to men happy ever after and Bing Crosby is waving in a Macy Day Parade marmalade. Jam on that lick and say bye bye to grandma, kids!

 

Andrea does a gorgeous job on Angels We Have Heard on High. He squalls with extramundane abandon and ululates in the highest reaches of the Elysium Fields. Blasts of sonic blizzard blitzkrieg the frosty air like ear-splittin` waxy snow for a skier on a slippery Swiss Alp.

 

 His throat vibrates to the rafters, jump off our ergonomic chairs in celebration. Zip pity doo da, zip pity day! This is such a beautiful Christmas Carol anyway, but boy, Andrea takes me away! Starts out in Italian and with a one step key change he jowls out the last verse in the King`s English! A loopy organ by David Foster links the several chorus/verse transition rigmarole.

 

Mucho as a matter of fact. Sung with refreshment joy whimsy no conviction no centrifugal force or Einsteinian velocity. Lukewarm but springie eggnog yet mindful of you the audience. Santa Claus is Coming to Town are you absolutely sure? All English be good for goodness sake pounding kettles and beaucoup children choir in speaker cones tweeters woolfers altec lansing.

 

Andrea nasal on vocals talky/singy bounce down the yellow brick road candy cane lane in the main plain no curve balls no whistlin` trains around the bend. I`m telling you why ripping Melodica by our maestro no trip ups a softball lob that`s pulverized out of the ball park good show olde boy!

 

The Christmas Song was a spontaneous effort of Mel Tormé and Bob Wells, written in merely forty-five minutes. Hundreds of artists have covered it, but the most famous version is that of Nat King Cole.

 

Nat recorded it four times, but a stereo version from 1961 is the definitive one now days. Nat`s daughter, Natalie Cole joins Andrea in a lovely duet, a wistful version that turns on the Christmas lights.

 

Natalie takes the first verse with ease and grace. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose. The electric piano is squeaky mellow and keen in the intro. Strings and xylophone dance agily between the fragrant words.

 

Natalie takes the bridge with soothing gentleness. They know that Santa`s on his way, he`s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh. The last verse is sung together with frosty harmonics.

 

O Tannenbaum is sung in three different languages; it starts out in Italian, switches gears to German, then jumps continents with a one step key change to America, then drifts back to the old country, Andrea`s native Italy. Bocelli himself carries a dreamy flute solo in the middle.

 

Twitters like a skylark in the final bars. Dean Parks plays a pleasant acoustic guitar betwixt the crooner. This one is a fave along with Charlie Brown`s Christmas cover.

 

Good one to play while decorating your greenie fur with boats and planes, Santa face sugar cookies dangle-down, toy soldiers dance the carpet and children shuffle and wonder stocking stuffed with Raggedy Anne dolls!

 

Jingle Bells was written by James Lord Pierpont in 1857, more as a snowbound winter tune, than as a per se yuletide ditty. Andrea is up to his ears in grins on this one. This is the zaniest interpretation I`ve ever heard. It starts out at a standstill, then bubbles up when The Muppets joining in.

 

Andrea bends the melody all over kingdom come and Kermit and Miss Piggy guffaw and juxtapose banter `gainst the pop idol`s furtive scatting. It says traditional in the booklet, but it`s anything but. Syrupy strings sprinkle Bocelli`s liberties in spheres.

 

Fanciful, crazy, expansive, whimsy full throttle gas pedal ball park fruitcake panacea "Muppets run amuck good time had for all.

 

Silent Night is sung in Italian and English. Merriment of strings and electric keyboards. Luce dona alle menti, Pace infondi nei cuor. One step key change to last verse then English all the way to the finish line. Sleep in Heavenly peace retards bends the melody candy-coated in ribbons and bows green red yellow luster of strings choirs bells blisters cracks furtive guitar.

 

Carol first performed in Austria on December 24th. Austrian priest, Josef Mohr penned lyric. Headmaster Franz Xavier Gruber did melody. Corny but groovy. Dig most Simon & Garfunkel`s funky take with Vietnam newscast disaster all around. Mentions seven student nurses killed in Chicago "Richard Speck did it.

 

Best song on My Christmas is Blue Christmas. Best duet with Reba McEntire. Reba comes in on: And when those blue snowflakes start falling. That`s when those blue memories start calling. Spittin` image of Tammy Wynette on Stand By Your Man! Perfect harmonies.

 

Even Elvis will stand up and take notice! The King`s is still tops, boy! Andrea is sleepy but croons with persnickety. Rickety rackety Hayward happy blue snowflakes fave color liberal take on a traditional holiday? Huh? 

 

Cantique de Noel, otherwise known as O Holy Night is sung in French, and Bocelli uses a thinner, nasalized vocal, that is no less stunning. Noel! Noel! Voici le Redempteur! The French sounds wonderful inside here!

 

 My favorite version is Andy Williams, but this comes in a close second. Beautiful melody that goes minor right here: Peuple a genoux, attends ta deliverance! If this one doesn`t convert you to Christianity, nothin` will.

 

God Bless Us Everyone is the finale of the record and is also used on A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey. This magnificent production was written by Glen Ballard and Alan Silvestri for the Disney studio. Sweeping choirs and bells and a unison crescendo that knocks your socks off, then some.

 

I`ll need to see the movie to experience how it`s sculpted into the celluloid. Sounds like it was written in the nineteenth century, reminds me of Good King Wenceslas. Crowns off the extravaganza with mistle-toe mirth.

 

Very lovely. Good show. Wrap in shiny green. Put a ribbon and bow on it. A thank you card. Universal! Trans-global! Happiness comes in a circular motion. Watch the PBS special a hundred times. Put the platter in stockings.

 

Put it under the tree, Give to aunties, send one to tiger cheer em up he needs it send one to Amanda know in jail. Elven nectar joy sleigh with reindeer down the chimney & bravo good soul you merry men and robin batman & friends say hi to marvin.

 

Go to Tuscany yourself. Smaller soundbites, but more pungent, trippy dippy lippy hippie how do ya do rooster ron?  kick you in the arse, boy!