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Published:August 23rd, 2009 16:30 EST
Advice For Parents:  Buy Bounty Paper Towels!

Advice For Parents: Buy Bounty Paper Towels!

By Mark Freedman

My daughter, who is not yet potty trained, is by far the cutest baby on the planet. Her hair is golden blonde. Her smile is comparable to the setting sun and her laugh is like the morning breeze. Her poop habits are quite a different story though....

Like all babies, our baby can`t distinguish a toilet from a high chair. In fact she can`t distinguish a high chair from a lollypop but that is not important. What is important is that my daughter is beautiful.

After dinner there is the usual throwing food and squishing bananas into the couch, then running into doors and tooting. After finding her way into the bathroom I often sit her on the toilet, which is followed by a horrifying scream similar to this "I AM GONNA FALL IN!!!" In baby words this sounds like "ANANAANANA." So it would appear that she doesn`t have to "go".

So, into the tub she sits. Her little puppy dog eyes look up at mommy, her relaxed gestures would appear subdued. And then I heard mommy yell "MARK.....YOU BETTER COME IN HERE"........Apparently Elizabeth DID have to "go". Our little angel did not want to continue her bath. Mommy had asked me to do what I DON`T do best. "Remove floating poop from bathtubs".

But as skillful as I am I grabbed the nearest paper towel to use as a pooper scooper. If I would have known that the bargain brand paper towels were going to disintegrate into my hand while grabbing the "Item", I would have purchased Bounty. Or used a shovel. This is life lesson number 24 on raising a baby named Elizabeth........

At the end of your day, always make sure you watch her sleep. Always kiss her forehead and tell her she`s sweet. Rub her cheeks, blow her a kiss, then sit with your spouse and reminisce, with Pine Sol and Febreeze.