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Published:May 1st, 2010 22:30 EST
Problems with Real Time

Problems with Real Time

By Andy Wright

In a time of fast forwarding through live television and rewinding to see that spit take one more time, like some sort of nightmare-ish Adam Sandler world, I`ve grown to hate time.  I don`t just hate it, I despise real time.  Real time makes me feel like I`m not moving at a fast enough pace for society.  Like I`m letting society down for moving too slowly; society is my dad, and I was just thrown out at first for not hustling enough.  What I`m trying to get at is I don`t need to be time`s gay son.

I hate that I can`t fast forward through local commercials all because I didn`t have the pre-determined notion of recording what I was watching, waiting 30 minutes, and then watched it so that I could just skip through all the bull shit real, live action time that seems to only tear away at my youth.

This isn`t my first skirmish with time, but the last will be soon.  Soon I won`t have to deal with real time at all unless I`m fully conscious of my surroundings, which is my number one problem with work currently.  More often than not, work and real time go hand and hand, which may explain why I hate both equally.

Real time has killed all your grandparents, hamsters, and weekends.  There is absolutely no reason why anybody should sleep through this revolution; this hits everybody on a personal level.  I implore you, come forth and let time know you don`t stand for it anymore. 

I once felt amiss and like I wasted too much time whenever I would watch a movie or play a video game for too long, but now, it`s all I thirst for.  It`s not that I`m unwilling to let the past go, or that I want to rewind back to so-considered "better days", or that I feel regret; I want the past to go, mostly at higher speeds.  It`s that I want time to feel irrelevant and to replace it with something new, possibly more space.  A universe with more space and less time and faster speeds only offers for greater opportunity.

I hate the fact that I`m watching what`s on now rather than what was on a few hours ago because it makes me feel like I`m participating in a world that I still don`t fully understand; I don`t want to know about the Strawberry festival coming up, I was far better off not knowing people actually did things like that.