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Published:May 10th, 2010 10:35 EST
Facebook: Why I Don't Have One

Facebook: Why I Don't Have One

By R.J. Smith


The story seems all too familiar; like we have heard it before, even lived through and came out the other side somehow unscathed but still just a bit different than we were when it all started.  Memories are hazy.  On one hand, we are sure we know the characters.  The names, however, are off in some manner.  It`s like that slight feeling of deja vu you get when you walk into an old high school gymnasium or the second floor of a Howard Johnsons.  The details may not be the same but there is no mistaken how the story ends. 

Picture this: the newest social networking site takes the internet by storm.  Before you know it, everyone is using it somehow.  Everyone who is anyone that is.  People spend their entire waking hours glued to it.  It propels some to fame and others to notoriety.  It has a good run, but eventually it dies out and the people move on.  Folks still use it sometimes, but it is no longer the unstoppable juggernaut it once was.  Something better comes along and the viscous cycle starts all over again.

These days everyone has a `Facebook`.  My girlfriend, the mailman, my weed dealer, this website... even my god damn dog.  Everyone but me.  Because  I know something.  Something they don`t.  It`s all a lie.

Do you know why no one owns a monopoly of large internet websites?  Because the most popular change faster than bedsheets at a brothel.  Predicting what is going to blow up next is near impossible.  Knowing that what is big at any given time will not last forever is like science. 

Facebook will fail.  Very soon and very badly.  All those who have spent hours and hours building up friends and playing those weird little flash games have done so in vain.  Just like the folks who spent years uploading all their photos to Myspace or spent scores of sleepless nights searching out people to follow them on Twitter.  It`s is all going to be over, and it`s all going to be over soon.

 Facebook is huge this year.  The year before it was Twitter.  Before that we had Myspace.  Then Digg.  Friendster.  You get the picture.  It has been done.  I have wasted my time before.  They all become redundant eventually.  It usually takes about a year.  Facebook has been huge for how long now?

It`s time has just about run out.  Like men in the Supreme court.  It will slowly be overtaken by something else.  The Myspace syndrome.  The Twitter Theory.  Friendster`s folly.  Social networking sites are doomed to implode.  It will happen.  The natural order of things, so to speak.  It is how their story ends.

Don`t worry fellow users; we will have other stuff to mess around with.  It will not be named `Friendster 5`, but that is what it will be essentially.  Nothing really changes but names.  Even the people stay the same. 

Therefor I do not have a Facebook.  The end.