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Published:August 12th, 2007 05:29 EST
Martian Logic

Martian Logic

By Askin Ozcan (Mentor)

As the extra terrestrial friends left Vero Beach yesterday and a huge crowd gathered to see them off. During their visit, they spent their time eating ice-cream at various beaches of Florida, joking with people at Disneyworld, helping out the fellows at NASA HQ, taking samples of various kinds of oils – crude oil, olive oil and Mobil Oil and tasting hamburgers, subs, coffee, soft drinks and apple pie. They preferred to eat coffee beans with boiled corn, pouring ketchup on the apple pie and Mobil Oil on their hamburgers.

They took pictures of all kinds of people, especially enjoying photographing the staff of The Sop and of their special earth representative Editor, Judyth Piazza.  Editor Gray could not attend the farewell party, as he was very busy with Newsblaze, but sent flowers to the departing group of the extraterrestrials. Upon receiving the bouquet, the Martians ate up the flowers thinking it was food and seemed delighted by their taste.

They seemed happy answering the special reporter Askin Ozcan’s questions. The dialog was achieved easily with the aid of their translating machines obtained from China: 

Askin – When will you arrive on Mars ?

E.T- We won’t be going directly to Mars. We shall do a round of several other planets. Therefore, it will be next month.

Askin- What kind of fuel do you use in your spacecraft?

E.T. - Any kind is all right!  Water, beer, wine, whiskey or our own special fuel of which we have enough stock for several months.

Askin- What did you like best on earth?

E.T. - Ice cream. It is funny how it melts on your clothes. Cleaning it was especially fun.

Askin- How did you get along with the scientists at the NASA HQ?

E.T. - They seemed OK: They are learning. It is not easy to coordinate space flights. It took our people 5000 years to send our first flight to earth.

Askin- What is your speed, when you make your interplanetary flights?

E.T. - We have different speeds: Kite speed, sight speed and light speed. Once we take off, we use the light speed. When we are landing, we use the kite speed!

Askin- What are you taking with you from earth?

E.T. - Garlic, Harry Potter, THE SECOND VENICE and SMALL MIRACLES and How to learn French in ten lessons and plenty of translation machines. We are also taking the gifts people have given to us during our visit here.

Askin-What did people give you?

E.T. - Many self-help books, like The Bible and The Koran. Sun glasses, lipsticks, diapers, watches and ballpoint pens. We’ll put them in our museum of Earth Civilization.

Askin- Do you have schools on Mars?

E.T. - We used to have. Now we teach mostly by chips. Transistor chips and potato chips.

Our children love them.

Askin- What surprised you most on earth?

E.T. - Wars and killing. You have so much oil – crude oil, olive oil, corn oil…Why fight so much for oil? We couldn’t understand. You don’t eat those you kill either. Your wars are complete waste of time.