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Published:February 10th, 2007 13:50 EST
REHAB the Modern way

REHAB the Modern way

By Will Roberts

Remember the old days if you did something illegal and you wanted to get off scott free, you would just plead insanity.

Recently, I was looking through the USA Today and saw this story about Isaiah Washington, an actor in the TV show Grey`s Anatomy " about his gay-slurs to a fellow actor. It seems that he checked himself into a rehab, for therapy, or for counseling, or D: All the above.

No this multiple choice, self help, self-retributive justice is the new quick fix for actors and politicians who need to find a way out of a jail term so they can quickly get back to work.
Here is a list of others that have decided to use this program. It works on all types of crimes on humanity.

Michael Richards - racist slurs
Mel Gibson - racist slurs
Mark Foley " inappropriate behavior around a minor
William Jefferson - takes bribe and FBI finds it in his freezer
Kennedy - guilty of DUI
And, as of late, Mayor Gavin Newsom`s of San Francisco - extra marital affair and uncontrollable drinking.

I have to be careful so that I don`t accuse anyone before they are convicted. A murderer cannot be called a murderer until the party is proven guilty. Unless, of course, you are the victim.

In the game of LIFE ", this program is called a get out of jail free card "! A far cry from the 80`s when we just blamed our parents if our life was a mess. Now days we could easily be the victim and not the villain if we could just convince the law that we were not of sound mind and body. Some go to law school and study that type of law alone.

There are lawyers that specialize in this type of defense alone. You don`t even need to show up in a straight jacket and thrash around to prove your innocence. All it takes is showing up at your hearing looking like a Hollywood rockstar, looking straight ahead and crying randomly.

Politicians and performers now have this new method that I described earlier down to a science. The key: become crazy (natural or drug induced) BEFORE they take you away " and arrest you. Their policy is "if it isn`t broken (unless they can prove it) then don`t fix it".

I have a plan that would save a lot of taxpayer`s money when a politician or an actor commits a crime. BEFORE they check into the rehab center, they have to be questioned by a doctor, a lawyer and their mother.

I don`t know about you, but my mother ALWAYS knows when I`m lying and I would do anything to avoid her wrath if she caught me lying.

Oh, by the way, don`t be surprised if after 2008 you see a lot of our current administration checking into rehabs. They have good reason!



Will Roberts
"The Good Will Tour"  
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