February 13th, 2007 14:17 EST
Yikes! A Helen Thomas Look Alike? Get me a bucket of stones! (SATIRE)
This major media event will be held on the White House lawn on March 21 of each year.
-Age limit: No one under 75 is eligible. There is no upper limit.
-Ugly men and transvestites encouraged to enter.
-Must be at least 50 lbs. overweight (weigh-in before event dinner).
-Democrats only (bring proof of registration).
-Speech impediment is a plus.
-Wrinkle volume subject to confirmation using mass spectrometry
-Each Contestant is solely responsible for his/her make-up costs
-All results are final
Two free Botox appointments with the best dermatologist/plastic surgeon in Baghdad. Contestant pays all air fare and living expenses, or
A weekend in Washington, D.C. with Helen Thomas. Winner must sleep with Helen at least two nights in her luxury condominium. Contestant responsible for all post-Helen trauma therapy and drugs.
Two weekends with Helen in DC.
Janet Reno, winner of the 2006 contest, will be selling "I Survived Sleeping with Helen Thomas" T-Shirts at DNC headquarters after the contest ends.
Tell a Friend!
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, 'clean and sober' since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable! Writing is his passion. He loves creating lively copy with irony and humor!