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Published:February 15th, 2007 11:37 EST
BofA and Illegal Aliens: Perfect for each other!

BofA and Illegal Aliens: Perfect for each other!

By John Lillpop

Bank of America? Hardly!

Satire 

As further testament to the fact that some American business entities will stoop to unbelievable and despicable depths in pursuit of more profit, the so-called Bank of America has decided to troll the illegal alien market for gold.

Forsaking legitimate concerns about homeland security, rule of law, U.S. sovereignty, and American language and culture, vipers at BofA have announced that credit cards will be offered to "undocumented immigrants," more correctly known as illegal aliens.

Under this anti-America plan, criminals here illegally will be able to establish credit without providing a social security number. That is great news for outlaws who have broken into America, but bad news for those who make huge fortunes by selling stolen identities to invaders.

Beltway insider Opel Bijiquiovarti has looked into this latest corporate snubbing of America by BofA and has filed the following executive summary:

According to Bijiquiovarti, BofA hopes to take advantage of undereducated, impoverished illegal aliens in order to make money.

Specifically, by reading the small print, one learns that the BofA terms include a computer program language translation fee (from Cobalt to Spanish), a "We will not turn you in to ICE" senorcharge, and other miscellaneous assessments.

In sidebar agreements being negotiated between BofA and several state governments, monthly credit card payments can be deducted from welfare payments and deposited directly into BofA coffers.

For a fee, of course.

All in all, Bijiquiovarti reports that the average illegal alien who signs up for a card with $500 credit card limit will be charged $480.12 in setup fees, leaving the illegal alien less than $20.00 to spend.

BofA officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, told Bijiquiovarti that this fee structure would ultimately work to the advantage of illegal aliens.

This is so because the BofA plan limits the amount of money available for the purchase of alcohol, high-fat tacos, spicy burritos, and other products that could get an illegal alien into a legal kafuffle, and subjected to deportation.

According to bank officials, the BofA plan is yet another example of the bank's ongoing efforts to reach out and help the little guy.

Bank of America and illegal aliens: Both are bad for America--perfect for each other!

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