March 26th, 2007 06:33 EST
Is Global Warming Real? Dr. Katie Couric Says So!
Americans received a special blessing this past week when the issue of global warming, its causes, potential harm to Earth, and the options for reversing this curse on humanity were unveiled.
The blessings started when Al Gore was chauffeured from his 20,000 square foot mansion in Tennessee to the U.S. House in Washington, D.C.
Gore showed his unwavering commitment to "Green" by arranging a clever carbon swap: In order to make up for his sinful use of non-green transportation, Gore agreed to forsake his gas-powered lawn mower for the summer.
Tipper says she really needs the exercise anyhow, so using a push mower on their six-acre lawn should be a win-win.
No fair using illegal aliens on the sly, Tipper!
I confess to initial skepticism about the Gore decree.
How can a man who spends $30,000 a year to heat and cool his mansion be trusted with the truth on global warming? I also understand that Gore is a major moneyman for one of those carbon swap schemes.
It is an Amway-type pyramid where liberal guilt, not soap, is the commodity of commercial trade.
Could it be that Gore gets a kickback (in a private account) every time Tipper finishes cutting the grass with that hand mower?
My natural skepticism went sailing out the window when Dr. Katie Couric awarded the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval to Gore right after he finished his snake oil testimony.
Couric called Gore's return to Congress a "triumph," and then sought to put the issue to rest by declaring that the scientific consensus confirms that global warming is real.
Many thanks are owed Al and Katie for the definitive word.
Even the Almighty could have learned a thing or two from the Al and Katie show, but it is rumored that he watches FOX.
He prefers fair and balanced, and all that.
Between them, I doubt if Gore and Couric could distinguish between lethal carbon emissions and a blast from John Edwards' aromatic hair spray.
Instead of worrying about a carbon print, Al Gore would be well advised to work off that huge butt print of his, which is sure to create dangerous craters every time the former Veep falls into a bank of snow in mid-April!
For her part, Dr. Couric sort of showed her lack of objectivity when she opined that a special session of congress should be convened to evict George W. Bush and install Al Gore as president.
Calling for Al Gore to be sworn in by April 22, 2007, which is also Earth Day, placed an additional strain on Couric's vanishing credibility.
Still, Couric proved that she is more than just a sawed off leftist mouthpiece whose major mission in life is to destroy CBS' news ratings. With her Gore gushing, Katie exposed her affection for oversized bags of hot air and that should help in the ongoing debate.
It may turn out that human kind is indeed the cause of global warming.
However, I refuse to swear off my 12-cylinder gasoline lawnmower or that noxious BBQ pit based on "science" offered by Al Gore, Katie Couric, Barbara Boxer, or any of the other liberals whose "solution" is for all conservatives and moderate Democrats to move to Mars.
By the way, Al, what say you about recent findings that suggest global warming has made its way to the Red Planet?
On the other hand, is that an Inconvenient Truth that is a tad bit too inconvenient to suit your agenda?
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.