May 23rd, 2007 11:23 EST
Democrats Surrender to America!
Recanting their earlier bill of surrender to Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden, Democrats in the United States Congress led by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi formally surrendered to the American people.
In a stunning retreat from earlier positions, liberals agreed to remove pork spending and time lines from the Iraq war-funding bill so that crucial weapons, equipment, and supplies can be provided to American troops stationed in harms way 8,000 miles from home.
Having surrendered with humiliation and utter shame, Speaker Nancy Pelosi stole a tactic from her favorite book, "The French Guide to Surrender for Dummies," and immediately declared victory.
"I think it's a giant step to begin the end of this war," said the speaker, obviously suffering the deleterious effects of Botox poisoning on the human brain.
Officials are expecting a final bill to be ready for Bush's signature right after congress returns from Memorial Day vacation.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, beltway insider Jasgiopl Heopqzerroai reports that the White House has requested that all the major networks provide live coverage of the presidential signing of the funding bill.
Apparently, President Bush plans to thank Democrats for their support and hail the bill as an example of how bipartisan cooperation is good for America, our troops, and the war to defeat terrorism.
Heopqzerroai added that Bush tacticians have dusted off that old "Mission Accomplished" sign and will place said sign directly behind Reid, Pelosi, and other enemies of America at the signing ceremony.
This development confirms the old adage that Dubya repeats time and time again, "Don't Mess with Texans!"
John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.