May 29th, 2007 08:29 EST
America in Crisis: Rosie and Cindy Throw Bras Out!
In an unprecedented shakeup in the American feminist movement, two female intellectuals have shredded their bras in dramatic protests of authority and establishment norms.
Rosie O'Donnell, America's foremost lesbian and military expert specializing in Middle East warfare and Islamic culture, has walked away from her gig on The View television show in an apparent spat with straight producers, colleagues and sponsors.
O'Donnell is expected to accept a position with Understanding and Accepting Gay and Lesbian Whales, a non-profit dedicated to identifying and tagging gay and lesbian whales in order to protect that species from extinction.
In a clever backup financial strategy, O'Donnell has authorized a biography of her life, to be titled the same as the aforementioned non-profit. Forward to be penned by her "wife," with a film deal in the works.
Meanwhile, in another devastating jolt to the Democrat party and Crawford, Texas, that city's second dullest knife has decided to abandon national politics.
Cindy Sheehan used the Memorial Day holiday to announce her resignation from the Democrat party and from her prominent role as an anti-war fascist.
Sheehan was a national peacenik figure who specialized in cameo appearances on leftist news shows just outside the Bush ranch. This leftist nut case apparently became disenchanted with the corrupt American political system that allows a president with an approval rating of 30 percent to veto a bill of surrender to the enemy.
Sheehan is rumored to be negotiating with editors at the San Francisco Chronicle to usurp Sean Penn as the Chronicle's resident war correspondent, cultural expert, and backup delivery person to cover vacations, sick days, and other absences by City paperboys.
The really big question: What will the O'Donnell-Sheehan brain drain mean to the overall war on terror, American economy, and future of the republic?
Democrat operatives are playing down the probability of any short-term catastrophe. Said one: "Remember, we still have Nancy Pelosi on our side!" Therefore, it is when one hits bottom: Nancy Pelosi is one's last hope!