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Published:October 1st, 2007 01:32 EST
$59,000 in a Duffel Bag, Illegal Aliens and American Justice!

$59,000 in a Duffel Bag, Illegal Aliens and American Justice!

By John Lillpop

The legal case against illegal alien Pedro Zapeta has socialists in the Democrat party and Catholic Church wringing their hands in angst at America's unfair, broken immigration system.

The rest of the story is as follows.

Pedro Zapeta had a unique, gangster-style vision of the American Dream. In his corrupt, polluted little mind, Zapeta thought it made perfect sense, both logically and morally, to ignore America's borders, immigration laws and income tax laws in order to pursue a far greater objective.

Namely, the personal enrichment of Pedro Zapeta.

Thank goodness, Zapeta's twisted version of the American Dream ultimately turned into a nightmare when authorities actually enforced the law.*

Pedro Zapeta is an illegal alien from Guatemala who has squatted in America for 11 years. During that time, Pedro washed dishes in Stuart, Florida and, by living frugally, managed to save $59,000.

Proving once and for all that most rocket scientists simply will not wash dishes for more than 11 years at $5.50 an hour, Zapeta finally decided to return to his beloved Guatemala with that $59,000 in tow. Like, on his person, in a duffel bag-- if you can imagine.

Zapeta's nightmare began when airport security discovered his cash stash and began asking questions. It was soon obvious that Zapeta was an illegal alien who was in violation of U.S. law that requires one to declare cash in excess of $10,000 to customs.

Once authorities had sorted out Zapeta's situation, his $59,000 was seized and he was turned over to Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Of course, Zapeta was immediately released by morons at INS. Deportation proceedings did, however, commence.

Amazingly enough, Zapeta did not disappear into the shadows, as most released illegal aliens typically do.

And why, pray tell, did Zapeta not flee to Newark, New Jersey, San Francisco, California or some other liberal- infested sanctuary city?

Perhaps the invading weasel had finally seen the light and decided to repent? Maybe all those years in a hot, stuffy American kitchen washing dishes had imbued this criminal with a redemptive sense of right versus wrong?


Actually, it was a combination of unbridled greed and stupidity, rather than a spiritual awakening that kept Zapeta from going to San Francisco with flowers in his hair.

Remember that $59,000? It turns out that Pedro continues to believe that he is entitled to that money--- and his duffel bag. A cabal of corrupt leftist lawyers has worked, pro bono, in an attempt to recover "his" money.

Along the way, Zapeta received $10,000 in donations from bleeding-heart types who always feel sympathy for non-American criminals, especially those in America illegally.

But, alas, Zapeta has been hit with more bad news. Apparently, the dishwasher fool paid zero taxes on that $59,000. Thus, the IRS impounded the $10,000 in donations as a lien against unpaid taxes.

Justice! At long last!

Of course, liberals are outraged at the way the U.S. government is treating poor Pedro Zapeta. After all, they argue, he is an uneducated, non-English speaking peasant who was unaware of the U.S. law pertaining to declaration of money being carried in one's duffel bag through security at a busy airport.

To liberals who make that outrageous argument, I ask the following:

* Was Zapeta also unaware of the fact that his income is taxable?

* How much sympathy is owed an illegal alien who has been here for 11 years without taking the time to learn English and become familiar with our laws?

* How much pro bono legal work would leftist lawyers donate to help an American citizen charged with tax evasion?

For his part, the addled Pedro Zapeta said the following, "They are treating me like a criminal when all I am is a working man.”

Sorry, Pedro, even though you and your brain-dead attorneys may not know it, you are a despicable criminal who needs to get the hell out of America and never come back!

As for that $59,000, we are going to apply that money to the construction of a fence at the U.S.-Mexico border!

Thank you for your $59,000 contribution. Hopefully your donation will help keep scalawags like yourself out of this great nation in the future!