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Published:December 20th, 2007 02:25 EST
Another 'Close but no Cigar' for Al Gore

Another 'Close but no Cigar' for Al Gore

By John Lillpop

Satire

Pity poor Al Gore.

Coming in second place seems to be a worrisome habit, an addiction to losing that haunts America's bloated environmentalist or "green fairy" as he is known among rugged mountain men in east Tennessee.

Recall that just slightly more than seven years ago, on December 12, 2000 to be exact, the United States Supreme Court ruled that Big Al's attempt to cherry pick Florida counties for recounting would not be in America's best interest.

Thus, the Supreme Court gave us W as president, which was the best they could do at the time.

What a pity that the Court was unable to select from names like Romney, Tancredo and Hunter in lieu of the English-challenged cowboy from Texas. But the five sane justices who saw through Gore's chicanery were forced to choose between Al and George.

Now, Al Gore has another colossal failure to add to his resume: he came in 2nd in the Time Magazine Person of the Year Award for 2007.

Second, that is, to Vladimir Putin, the Russian president, prime minister, chief executioner and all other titles the former KGB thug has bestowed upon himself.

Putin is apparently slightly more socialistic than Gore, a vital consideration in the minds of the editors at Time Magazine.

Rather than falling into despondency, Al Gore and his fans should celebrate the fact that the former VP came in ahead of J.K. Rowling in the balloting.

Rowling is the author who inspired several Harry Potter films, a work that is infinitely more believable and better for the planet than Al Gore's fanciful "An Inconvenient Truth," which is too inconvenient and not enough truth.

Apparently, the editors at Time were swayed by Gore's Oscar and Nobel Peace Prize, both of which where awarded to our pompous former VP by liberals looking to make a mockery of America.

How else to explain Gore's finish ahead of the obviously more talented J.K.?

Still, the Al Gore team is, no doubt, working overtime to spin their guy's 2nd place finish into a rousing victory.

After all, how many jolly green giants can claim that they damn near took down two demented presidents in the new millennium?