December 25th, 2007 04:51 EST
Of Illegal Aliens, Ax-Savvy Jihadists, and Hillary
When deciding whether or not to vote for Hillary Clinton next November, one should be mindful of how Christmas might change with a socialist, feminist, Mexi-nazi in the White House.
Such changes might include the following:
* Affirmative action would be required at the North Pole, including quotas for hiring black, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay and lesbian, transexual, and handicapped elves.
* There would be a zero tolerance policy for hiring straight, Caucasian, Christian applicants, although there would be active "outreach programs" for illegal aliens accused of DUIs and ax-savvy Jihadists.
* An Elves` "Bill of Rights" would mandate minimum wage and free health insurance for Elves with at least 90 days of continuos service and current in payment of their monthly Elves Union dues.
* Santa would be prohibited from requiring elves to speak English while on the job. All gifts left for illegal aliens would include a hand-written note from Santa, in Spanish.
* To demonstrate the dangers of global warming, Santa would be required to make his global journey in the nude, excepting his stocking cap which he could relocate to his lap in case of an unexpected, and at his age unlikely, emergency.
* In the interest of animal rights, environmentalism, and pandering to Hispanic voters, Santa`s reindeer would be replaced by illegal aliens using Hillary-copters left over from the Iowa campaign to pull Santa`s sleigh across the night sky.
* The jolly old bird would be required to submit an Equitable Distribution Plan to demonstrate how he would pinch expensive gifts from "rich" families and deposit same to the poor, near poor, and other struggling constituencies of the Democrat party.
* Registered Republicans and families earning more than $200,000 would automatically be designated as "naughty" for tax purposes, and to help Santa plan his Christmas Eve gig.
* Santa would be required to take possession of all cookies and other sugary treats left out for him, and to leave a Thank You note advising the child giver of the health hazards of hi-fat, hi-cab, hi-taste junk foods.
* On the way back to the North Pole, Santa would unload all those goodies at DNC headquarters in Washington, D.C., from where they would be auctioned during a PBS broadcast of "Exposing Christmas As a Pagan Rip Off and Christian Cash Cow," with proceeds going directly to the "Re-elect Hillary in 2012" fund.
Let the forewarned be wary of the aforementioned: With Hillary Clinton as president, Christmas would cease to exist!