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Published:May 7th, 2008 11:14 EST
Breaking News: Hi-Technology Anti-Hillary Filter Now Available!

Breaking News: Hi-Technology Anti-Hillary Filter Now Available!

By John Lillpop

Satire

While the United States Congress may eventually prohibit water boarding as an interrogation technique, there is an inexpensive, legal and ethical way to root the truth out of reticent rag heads.

Namely, the Pentagon should create a professionally edited summary of Hillary Clinton's most bitchy and annoying speeches over the past six months.

You know, the speeches in which Hillary's whining and shrilling causes the paint in your living room to crack and fall. The speeches in which Hillary stops lying long enough to throw in some pre-programmed sobbing and a flood of tears, the later brought about by a thin slice of onion taped to her wedding ring.

Really!

The next time Hillary goes on a crying jag, watch her hand carefully and you will see her stroke her eye just before the tears start to flow. That is the moment when she releases the quick-action onion and starts to bawl for sympathy-- and more donations!

Being forced to listen to HRC campaign speeches would force even the most brutal terrorist into submission.

For example, if the Marines would force thugs at Guantanamo Bay to listen to and watch one of Hillary's tear-laden mental break downs, I guarantee that within 20 minutes, tops, America would have Osama bin Laden's cell phone and cave numbers in our possession.

Even the most devoted Jihadist and OBL soldier of death would crack under the intense pain that one experiences when Hillary unloads one of her crying for dollars routines!

All of which is why I have installed a high-technology filter on my surround sound television system. Designed by and for conservatives only, this easy to install device has a Hillary filter that automatically reduces the volume whenever Hillary starts to lie and cry.

As it turns out, because all of Hillary's speeches and interviews are based on lie and cry, my new device is essentially a mute button that shields me from hearing anything that the over-60 feminist commie has to say!