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Published:August 19th, 2008 11:34 EST
John McCain Hires Hollywood Agent To Jazz Up GOP Convention

John McCain Hires Hollywood Agent To Jazz Up GOP Convention

By Robert Paul Reyes

"John McCain`s campaign has asked a Hollywood agent to sprinkle some glitter over his anointment as the Republican nominee - while Barack Obama frets about celebrities stampeding towards the Democratic convention in Denver next week.

Even Arnold Schwarzenegger, California`s Republican governor and former action movie star, has stalled on accepting a prime time speaking slot at McCain`s convention in St Paul next month. He may even skip the event all together because of his state`s budget crisis."

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In the days of "smoke-filled rooms" political conventions were potent dramas full of intrigue, suspense and mystery. Today the conventions hold all the suspense and pizzazz of a birthday party at a retirement home.

At least at the Democratic Convention most people look forward to Sen. Barack Obama accepting his party`s nomination before a crowd of over 70,000 at Mile High Stadium.

But the GOP`s convention promises to be a snooze-fest that will only be watched by political junkies and masochists.

Jeffrey Barry of the William Morris agency has the most difficult assignment of his career: Trying to jazz up the Republican Convention. Frankly, I think it`s mission impossible, the main attraction, John McCain, has all the charisma of Wilfred Brimley on Valium.

Nobody wants to attend the GOP convention, even some high-profile senators and governors have announced they have no intentions of attending the festivities.

Barry is not off to an auspicious start, according to the Times Online article he has hired the Beach Boys for a "kick off" party. The Beach Boys are so freakin` old that they consider Madeline Albright a hottie.

The Republican convention, with or without the help of a Hollywood agent, promises to be a dull affair. I think I`d rather watch grass grow...