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Published:April 9th, 2009 11:53 EST
Kim Jong II Shocks The World and Wins the Title!

Kim Jong II Shocks The World and Wins the Title!

By R.J. Smith

Every now and then, an event will take place that shocks the world. Something so unprecedented, so unexpected, so uncanny that the entire planet stands up to take notice. One such event may indeed happen today, but Kim Jong II will not be the man behind it.

No, he has reserved a different type of story about himself today. Today he is Captain Obvious. In a move reminiscent of the Lakers beating a group of midgets in a `who is taller` contest, Kim Jong II has been unanimously elected as the supreme leader of North Korea.

Nay!? " Oh yes. It is true. Even though he has not been seen in public since the days before anyone south of Juno knew what a Palin was, not a single vote in what the communist nation passes off as a `parliament` went against him.

In true Bond Villain fashion, images of the countries `awesome` military might and some poor farmers grinning like an octomom on welfare were broadcast all day long in the only Korea not excited about the new Captain America movie. Ironically, this comes at the end of a week when the country successfully launched a test to send a nuclear miss... I mean a `satellite into space`.

When asked for a comment on the story, President Obama had not returned my emails as of press time, even though he likes to send one at least every two days to never let me forget I had signed up for the spam list on his website. The Internet collective known as `Anonymous`, however, went on record as saying `Fail troll is fail`.

What this means for the world stage is as yet unclear, although I would venture to guess that since nothing has really changed since yesterday the impact will be slightly smaller than the second glass of Absinthe I am drinking at 4 in the morning and just a tad larger than the first.