July 6th, 2009 11:06 EST
Top Ten Job Possibilities For Sarah Palin
"After staying out of the public eye for most of Saturday, a day after abruptly announcing she would soon give up her job as governor, Palin indicated on a social networking site that she would take on a larger, national role, citing a `higher calling` to unite the country along conservative lines." http://www.dgshi.cn/content/200907/05607.html
I am still shell- shocked by Sarah Palin`s sudden and unexpected resignation from her job as governor of the great state of Alaska. I wouldn`t venture a guess as to what prompted the controversial diva to quit, but I will offer a few suggestions as to what her "higher calling" will be.
Maybe Sarah Palin is finally ready to accept the $1 million dollar offer from a porn company to star in an adult video. Palin spits out a newborn with alarming regularity. Palin is familiar with the mechanics of sexual intercourse, and would be a natural for the adult movie business.
LETTER-TURNER ON THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE
I never watch the broadcast networks, and I have no idea if "The Wheel of Fortune" is still on the air. Vanna White must be about 80-years-old, and too feeble to turn over the letters. Sarah Palin should replace Vanna -- this gig wouldn`t tax Palin`s intellectual capacity.
I know that the average Wal-Mart greeter is older than dirt, but this would be the ideal occupation for Palin. At Wal-Mart she would keep in touch with her natural constituency: Conservative blue-collar Americans who don`t mind buying HD TV`s made in sweat shops in commie China.
Palin would be an Aimee Semple McPherson with the sex appeal of a movie star. I have never given a dime to a TV preacher, but if Palin winks while she`s preaching the good Word, I will empty out my pockets for her.
With the recent death of Billy Mays, there is a void in the world of TV hucksters that is begging to be filled. Palin doesn`t have Mays` weird black beard, but she has the lungs and the... (well you know.)
TV TALK SHOW HOST
Oprah Winfrey is the Queen of daytime talk, but Palin would give her a real run for the money. Oprah`s audience is 99.99 percent female. (the other .01 percent are male homosexuals.) Palin would broaden Oprah`s demographics -- here`s one dude who would watch sexy Palin talk about anything.
Pallin loves to spit out those damn babies, why not get paid for it?
I don`t know if Palin can sing, but I don`t think it really matters -- just look at Britney Spears. Palin`s life is like a country song, why not become a country singer? Country music fans are 100% conservatives, they would feel obligated to buy all of Palin`s CDs.
Palin is so over-the-top that she would make an excellent wrestler. I can imagine Palin entering the ring cracking a whip and munching on a Moose sandwich.
AMBASSADOR TO IRAN
The first time she winked at an Ayatollah, she would be thrown in prison and we would never hear from her again.