February 19th, 2008 11:25 EST
The Gospel, According to a Foot Soldier of Satan in SF
Satire By John Lillpop
KGO-AM radio in San Francisco is a 50,000-watt public nuisance operated solely for the purpose of advancing the agenda of left wing extremists and anarchists, otherwise known as Democrats.
Programming for the station is forwarded to Moscow for final approval by communist power brokers before being aired locally for the exploitation of useful idiots in the ultra-liberal Bay Area.
So biased to the left is this station that many refer to it as the KGB of misinformation and non-news.
Given its extreme liberal slant, one would naturally expect talk show hosts working at KGO to pollute the airwaves with leftist pap, deceit, and outright lies, since without those tools at their disposal, liberal talkers are essentially muted.
Until very recently, KGO cornered the market on radio insanity at night with the under-talented tandem of Bernie Ward and Ray Talifero.
For years, this unhinged duo assaulted radio listeners with verbal hysteria commencing at 10 PM, or as soon thereafter as the producer was able to stop Bernie Ward from eating long enough to speak into a microphone without spitting undigested food throughout the studio.
Ward's rants ran for three hours, or until he collapsed from fat prostration.
Right around 1 AM, a team of mental health professionals wheel Ray Talifero into KGO studios on a psychiatric gurney. With more than 25 years of experience, the Talifero nut team works with the precision of a NASCAR pit crew as they untie Talifero from his prescribed straight jacket, and pump enough Prozac and Valium down his throat to make a dent in even the most ferocious liberalism-fueled psychosis.
This drug overdose usually lasts Talifero until 5 AM, although on the odd mornings when he waivers, KGO producers scurry about in search of the ultimate oxymoron - a "Best of Ray Talifero" tape with which to continue the broadcast devastation until five bells ring out in the morning.
This wretched abuse of the airwaves by Ward and Talifero has been going on for nearly a decade now, ending only when Ward was dismissed from KGO in January because of his indictment on child pornography charges.
Ward, who fancies himself as intellectually gifted, defended his child pornography background by claiming that he was simply doing research for a book that he was writing about the sexual abuse of children. To date, that specious argument has gone over about as well as most of his extreme liberal views - which is to say not at all.
But the real tragedy of Bernie Ward is how this bloated foot soldier of Satan hoodwinked KGO and thousands of Bay Area listeners with his "God Talk" talk show on Sunday mornings.
Under the guise of being a spiritual elitist, this former Catholic priest wasted three hours each Sunday morning to ridicule and denigrate fundamentalists, Republicans, Caucasians, believers in the Almighty, the Catholic Church, traditionalists, and conservatives at every opportunity.
Included among Ward's novel gospel ideas were these dillies:
Jesus Christ was a good and honorable man, but not deity.
Rather than being resurrected, Jesus' crucified remains were probably eaten by wild dogs not far from the cross upon which He was slain.
The Holy Bible is a combination of myth and pagan symbolism. As such, it must never be taken literally.
Most Christians, especially conservative evangelicals, are undereducated boobs who have no basis for believing as they do.
There is no such thing as the power of prayer.
Perhaps Ward's most notorious violation of Godly values came when he offered to help draft-age young men escape military service. Ward proudly offered to assist any such young man by writing a letter declaring the individual to be homosexual, whether or not that happened to be true.
So much for the integrity and holiness of those who make huge personal sacrifices in order to work as priests.
Besides being purged from his political talk show on KGO because of his child pornography indictment, Ward no longer functions as the host of "God Talk" on Sunday mornings.
Thank God in holy prayer for that!