Published:February 20th, 2010 10:43 EST

John's Daily Dump Vol. 3

...This is John Danz Jr. with John`s Daily Dump on theSOP.org, bringing you your daily dose of off the wall news.  Today`s stories: a broke televangelist blames his debts on Satan, would-be robber turned away by the hand of God, and a pot-dealing mayor.

 Segment 1: Broke Televangelist Blames Satan for Misfortunes

Televangelist Rod Parsley informed his flock in December that he urgently needed several million dollars because of financial problems attributed directly to Satan. According to a report in the Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch, Parsley`s World Harvest Church was facing a $3 million deficit for the quarter ending in December after earlier in the year paying $3.1 million to settle a lawsuit over its day-care center`s having too brutally spanked a boy. Wrote Parsley, "Will you help me take back what the devil stole?" [Columbus Dispatch, 12-16-09]

"The Devil made me do it!" I can only imagine how darker and bleaker the streets of America would be if this pathetic excuse became justifiable. Sadly, with the way religion goes I`m sure some of his sheep herd will gladly open their pocket books if it means warding off Satan from their beloved shepherd. Way to save face, Rod. I`m sure the devil also made you become a conniving, money grubbing shyster. This is sort of akin to Pat Robertson saying that the Haiti disaster was a result of a pact they made with the devil to gain independence, or many of the other ignorant things to fly out of an evangelist`s mouth for that matter. If I were to list them all, you`d be listening to this show straight into the end of the world - 2012. Or 1982, if you firmly believe in this man. From "praise the lord and pass the ammunition" to "praise the Lord and pass the collection plate" - it`s all a moneymaking ritual, and no doubt a great partnership for big business. Or saving your own hide, whichever applies to the situation you`ve put yourself in.  

Segment 2: Would-be Robber Turned Away by God

In Frisco, Texas, in January, boutique owner Marian Chadwick, who was about to be robbed at gunpoint by a hooded intruder, pointed her finger at him and said: "In the name of Jesus, you get out of my store. I bind you by the power of the Holy Spirit." The man appeared stunned, then turned and walked out empty-handed, cursing. [Dallas Morning News, 1-14-10]

I`m sure this is inspirational to some people, but let me state the obvious to those who see this for what it really is: YOU GOT LUCKY. EXTREMELY lucky that you happened to get the really stupid criminal on your shift. Oh man, I wouldn`t ever play this woman in poker, but she`d be the first person I`d go to for advice on picking lottery numbers. Perhaps she thought she was going to die, so she just said what seemed to be fitting for last words? Maybe the power of some Holy Spirit was really with her? No matter how you see this, I think it`s a bit arrogant to say that you have the power of god in you - not only that, to think you can subdue another free will with it. My final verdict is this: the robber had some semblance of a conscience, and figured he wouldn`t murder or rob a holy woman. Please don`t see this as anything more than just that. If so though... hey.

I wish there were some common theme to tie all of these stories together and make a clever segue... but instead, I`ll just jump right into the next one!

WA Mayor Busted for Trafficking Pot

Olympia Mayor Pro Tem Joe Hyer`s blossoming political future appears to be in jeopardy after he was arrested Thursday afternoon on suspicion of selling marijuana, two days after his informal appointment to become the new county treasurer. He was arrested at 5:20 p.m. at the house and booked at the county jail Thursday night on suspicion of two counts of unlawful delivery of a controlled substance, with an enhancement for both counts because they occurred within 1,000 feet of a school bus stop. Hyer also was booked on suspicion of illegal use of a building for drug purposes. Unlawful delivery of marijuana is a felony.

Please, keep adding to the already unsavory stigma in regards to politicians. I beg you. While the pot smoking world is surely hailing him as a hero, I`d hope the rest of the world is teaching their kids a valuable lesson, one of which should be axiomatic: DON`T LOOK UP TO POLITICIANS. I`m reminded of a George Carlin segment in regards to politicians:  "Politicians just don`t fall out of the sky. They don`t slither through the cracks of an alternate universe - they come from American homes, schools, businesses and churches, and are elected by the American people. This is what we have to offer, folks - garbage in, garbage out. Being a politician means you have to earn the people`s trust - or at least act like you want it.  So, while this story may shock some of you, I don`t honestly see why it would. If you don`t think that the politician that you are a constituent of is sitting back in his chair, rolling up a J and watching a dirty movie brought to him by his Chilean mistress - you aren`t thinking at all.

Oh I just kid, there`s plenty of honest, decent politicians - the ones you support that is. The rest of them are dirty, rotten scoundrels in it for the bucks. I, however, cut the games and the finger pointing and say to hell with them all. It makes for an easier life, an easier debate and a much finer stomach lining.

	Obama Has Received More Death Threats Than Any President. - I wholeheartedly agree with your article. I think the assassinations of many civil rights proponents over the years speaks volumes about how little ground we`ve made in the so-called civil rights movement.
	John`s Daily Dump Vol. 2 - ...This is John Danz Jr. with John`s Daily Dump on theSOP.org, bringing you your daily dose of off the wall news. Today`s stories: Promiscuous birds, a new pro basketball league of only whites, and New Yorkers able to hear neighbors having sex more than anyone.
	John`s Daily Dump Vol. 1 - John reviews some of the oddest and most bizarre news from around the world.