Published:March 24th, 2010 14:29 EST

John's Daily Dump: "Sexting" Teens Become Sex Offenders

...This is John Danz Jr. with John`s Daily Dump on theSOP.org, bringing you your daily dose of off the wall news. Today`s stories:  Romanian family squats in the wrong house, lawmakers focus on sexting, John`s Daily Dumbass, plus a bunch of baked goods mysteriously shows up by a river.

It`s that time to remind you that I have a new email address for all of your inquiries: johnsdailydump@gmail.com. Send me hate mail, love mail, ask me to be on your wildly more popular show, whatever, I don`t care. Thanks for all of the support, my little Dumpsters!

A Romanian family living in Britain was cleared of burglary after they attempted to move into a house they thought was abandoned while the owner was merely out.

Northampton Crown Court Judge Richard Bray heard the homeowner returned home shortly after leaving because he had forgotten his wallet and discovered Mihai Dediu, 30, and his wife Laura, 24, moving his belongings out of the house while their young child looked on, The Sun reported Tuesday.

Dediu told the court his family had heard the house was empty and was planning to squat to save money.

"The house was a mess. We were tidying it up. It did not look as if anybody was living there," he said. "I met a man in a shop and he said this house was empty. I just wanted to save on rent. I don`t earn much."

The couple were cleared of burglary but were sentenced to 12 months of probation for pleading guilty to criminal damage of the home`s locks and windows.

New law folks: If you can`t maintain the appearance of your home well enough to let those on the outside know that people are inhabiting it, you aren`t inhabiting it. Perhaps you could have put a "Home Sweet Dumpster" sign in your window? That might have helped people know that someone lived there - as if the urine-filled Gatorade bottles, half-eaten boxes of pizza and pieces of mail from the Bicentennial were enough. Tell you what Mihai and Laura, you`re lucky you didn`t try to pull this off in America, because our housing market is so good that all of our homes are filled with happy families! Finding an empty home to squat in here is like trying to find Waldo in a candy-cane factory. Ugh, I`ll tell you what, the housing market is so bad that  when my mom moved in to her new, foreclosed home, she found Pauly Shore, Tom Arnold and Carrot Top playing Twister in the basement with the Octomom. It`s depressing.

Connecticut lawmakers are considering a way to keep young people off the state`s sex offender registry if convicted of "sexting."

Sexting -- a contraction of "sex" and "texting" -- is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs electronically, often between mobile phones.

Under existing law in Connecticut, sending or receiving messages that include nude or sexual images falls under the state`s child pornography statutes. Those convicted are put on a state sex-offender registry.

The proposed bill, which was being debated on Monday by the state legislature`s joint judiciary committee in Hartford, would reduce the charge from a felony to a misdemeanor when the sexting is between minors of 13 to 18 years of age who are in some sort of relationship.

"At times, minor children do foolish acts without appreciating the consequences of their actions," said Rosa Remimbas, a Republican state representative.

Paul Vance, spokesman for the Connecticut state police, said no teens have yet been arrested in the state for sexting.

Why the hell would you take such  extreme measures against kids who play the electronic form of "you show me your wee wee, I`ll show you mine"? As long as photos aren`t being traded between a 13 year old and a 20 year old, what`s the big deal? Especially if it`s mutual, come on, give me a break, a spot on the SEX OFFENDER list? A spot that`s under normal circumstances, reserved for child rapists? That`s not making a statement, that`s just being Congressional assholes. I really do hope that they keep these kids off the sex offender list for "sexting." That`s embarrassing. If some 16 year old kid wants a picture of his 16 year old girlfriend naked, or vice versa, where`s the harm in that? I must say though, this sexting thing is getting a bit ridiculous. I recently got a new cell phone number, and already I`ve received three different pictures of hairy, deformed and misshapen penises.  No knockers though, apparently the woman who had my number before me was a real run around Sue. How about we focus on the real, disgusting sex offenders out there and worry less about the pictures little Johnny and Suzie are swapping. Better to be swapping pictures that sexual fluids - I`m sure any parent would agree.

It`s time for the segment that reminds you that stupidity is always a click away: JOHN`S DAILY DUMBASS! Commence the music! Commence the lights! Commence the idiocy!

A Florida man has been sentenced to 15 years in prison for violating his probation by trying to break into the Brevard County jail.

A judged sentenced 25-year-old Sylvester Jiles of Cocoa on Monday. He was convicted in January of trespassing on jail property and resisting an officer.

Authorities say Jiles tried to climb a 12-foot fence at the Brevard County Detention Center in August. He was caught and hospitalized with severe cuts from the barbed wire. He had been released a week earlier after accepting a plea deal on a manslaughter charge.

Jiles had begged jail officials to take him back into custody, saying he feared retaliation from the victim`s family. Jail officials said they couldn`t take him in and told him to file a police report

Congratulations Sylvester, you are today`s recipient of "JOHN`S DAILY DUMBASS" honors! You obviously don`t live up to your name, "sly," and you`ll have to be sly when Big Bob makes you Tweety Bird in the showers.

Police say someone has dumped hundreds of breads, bagels and buns along a river in Muncie, Ind.

Sanitation workers spotted the mess on the central Indiana city`s east side. City police Sgt. Bruce Qualls recognized the baked goods as the product of Panera Bread. The chain cafe has a location on the city`s north side.

Qualls says restaurant managers assured him they would look into what happened. The unsold baked goods are usually given each day to charitable organizations. Panera Bread spokeswoman Linn Parrish says managers didn`t immediately know how the bread got to the river bank.

You see, people often wonder why other countries hate us so bad - stupid crap like this! Idiots throwing perfectly good eggs at houses and cars, sexual fetish participants slathering each other in food of which usually half gets wasted, and millions of sufferers of the "disease" bulimia. I have some ideas that will make other poorer nations proud: First, I will open up a stand and call it "John`s Rotten Food for Hoodlums." All of the nation`s wasted foodstuffs will be found by me, and I`ll sell them at discount rates to prospective egg throwers and delinquents alike. Eggs are good for recreation, but with rotten eggs, you may as well be shooting paintballs at your targeted egg-shooting range. Waste not, want not. Done. For those of you with food fetishes, I will open up a stand next to that one: "John`s Rotten Food Fetish Stand." What better way to explore your sexual fantasies than to slather your lover in stale chocolate sauce? Is there a better way to say "I love you" than to plug your partner`s holes with rotten stalks of broccoli? Pesticide free, and aged to perfection - speaking of aged to perfection, for the older crowd I will offer discount rates on rotten prunes. Old people won`t be able to tell a difference - their taste buds are usually gone, and I`m sure they don`t taste any better than from the hole that they eat them from. Waste not, want not. Done.

And for our bulimia sufferers out there, I will open up a new Peanuts-esque counseling stand for you: "John`s EAT SHIT Stand." Do you selfish turds really want something to regurgitate? I`ll give you something that would make even the most degenerate minded cretin puke in his soup: Feces. After a few weeks of choking down caca, you`ll be BEGGING for a cheeseburger to actually keep in your system. Waste not, want not. DONE. Elect me president already.