This show is dedicated to Brooke Johnson...Beloved Niece of Judyth Piazza, my friend and partner.
...This is John Danz Jr. with John`s Daily Dump on theSOP.org, bringing you your daily dose of off the wall news. Today`s stories:Money flies out of an armored truck, dung beetles are the strongest insect, plus a special John`s Daily Dumbass segment to those on drugs, or who know someone on drugs.
Once again, I`d like to remind you that I have a new email address for comments, suggestions, hate mail and requests for marriage: email@example.com. Send it! I want your opinions. Thanks for the support, and I hope you all keep tuning in.
People fell onto a bag of cash like a pack of hungry piranhas after more than 100,000 dollars tumbled out the back of an armored truck onto an Ohio street, local media reported. The bag split open after it fell off the back of the vehicle Wednesday and the driver drove away without noticing. But a whole bunch of people spotted the cash blowing down the street in Whitehall, a Columbus suburb, and a mad dash for cash ensued.
"People were jumping out of their vehicles," one witness told NBC4 news.
"Like when you throw some fish in and you`ve got a school of piranhas and they haven`t eaten for a long time. It was funny."
Another witness described a surreal atmosphere with people laughing, smiling and taking as much as they could carry. Workers at a nearby flower shop helped police gather up the money in boxes. Several people ended up bringing some of the cash into the police station. But only about 10,500 dollars had been recovered by the end of the day, the Columbus Dispatch reported.
"We`re hoping that more people do the right thing," Whitehall Police Sergeant Randy Snider told the paper.
Police are examining surveillance camera video and photographs from cell phone cameras to try to track down the people who grabbed the money.
I hate how when someone else is at fault for something going wrong, the cops always try to blame the citizens that take advantage. "Do the right thing," what a load of shit. If those cops weren`t on duty, they`d be some of the first ones chasing after that paper. Hell, they might even flash their badge and shoot into the air to scatter the people going after it so they can have more to themselves. Come on, if that bag of money was meant to stay closed, it would have stayed closed! I`m sure whoever that money belonged to didn`t want it so bad if they let it errantly fall out of the back of a truck."Do the right thing," where do they think they are, Mr. Rogers` Neighborhood? Tell you what cops, if a crate full of donuts fell from the back of a bakery truck, you`re saying you`d gather them up and return them to their rightful place? I think not. You`d do what you do with every other piece of "evidence": take it back to the precinct, and consume them. "Do the right thing," why, the nerve of these people!
The world`s strongest insect is a type of male dung beetle which needs its power to be able to mate with females in animal feces.
Onthophagus taurus can pull 1,141 times its own body weight -- the equivalent of a 154-pound person being able to lift 80 tons, the weight of six double-decker buses.
The extraordinary strength of many of the beetles is due to their unusual mating arrangements.
Even weaker members of the species have a compensating trait in evolutionary terms -- huge testicles which increase their chances of fertilizing a female.
"Insects are well known for being able to perform amazing feats of strength and it`s all on account of their curious sex lives," said Dr Rob Knell of Queen Mary, University of London, one of the researchers.
If sex makes you so strong, then why does Tiger Woods need HGH? Oh stop, I just, here we go again. -glass shatters- Ok, if sex makes you so strong, why is Paris Hilton such a noodle-armed wimp? This story is an inspiration to the coprophiliacs out there, I`m sure. This could be a new diet fad! Come on guys, you know you want to shed a few pounds and impress your woman - start rolling your own doodoo! It works for the beetles. With all the shit people in this country shovel around and produce from their mouths on a daily basis, it shouldn`t be hard to make a decent sized ball within a few hours.You might wantto hit those Taco Bell bathrooms.Once you got a good sized ball of turds going (use a `92 Lincoln Town Car for comparison), roll that shit into bed and commence the loving! I`m sure someone out there is willing to do this experiment, I mean, I can`t laugh at you - at least you`re getting laid.It`s in dookey, but hey.
...Today`s daily dumbass goes out to a very broad audience. Before I begin, let me say that I have been around many people and had members of my own family hooked on some kind of drug, so I think I have every right to be a little vocal. I was pushed over the edge by a friend of mine slipping into a coma. Herion? No. Crack? No. Pills? No. A MORPHINE PATCH. She chewed on a morphine patch, and now she is in a vegetative state.
When is enough going to be enough for today`s youth? Someone tell me, because if I have to find out I won`t find an answer until I`m dead and gone years from now. The most upsetting thing to me is that drugs on their own aren`t enough anymore for these kids, nonononono, they have to make these insidious cocktails and concoctions out of different drugs. A-bombs, speedballs, cheese, homicide, Pikachu, TNT, New Jack Swing, bars - I`m just scratching the surface there.
I know of kids as young as NINE smoking cigarettes, and as young as 12 trying weed and other disgusting shit. These are NOT just teenagers being teenagers. This has gone much deeper than that. I have another personal example, this guy being the reason I wish this show were national or at least regional so I could spread it as far as possible because he`s such an idiot: My cousin is someone that my family says I have the audacity to be "jealous of." He started dealing pot when he was 14. He drives around Warren, MI selling pot to MIDDLE SCHOOLERS with MIDDLE SCHOOLERS riding shotgun with him and telling him, a 17 year old moron, what to do. He never attends family functions because he`s too busy dealing pot and pills on the street. He stood me up on more than one occasion because he`s such a deplorable pothead. He`s stolen his dad`s phone, truck, and wallet at some point in his life, and he took a necklace from his mom and gave it to his stoned girlfriend. YEAH, I`M REALLY JEALOUS OF THAT! One time, his loser ass friend called a potential drug buyer the N word and he almost got himself killed. He smokes weed while he drives, and he`s wrecked his car twice. YES, I`M REALLY JEALOUS. Worse yet? My idiot aunt, his mother, says it`s "just teens being teens." Well, there`s two ways he can be "just a teen," my imbecilic aunt - ina jail, or in a chalkline on the street. I guess I had the audacity to tell her he`s in danger, and she said I was just "jealous" of him. Up your ass, bitch. You should be arrested for being so permissive of his shit.
These kids think they`re in love with these asshole guys, and follow them wherever they go, smoke whatever they smoke, shoot whatever they shoot - all for LOVE. They fall for these abusive, misanthropic, maniacal guys who always have to be geeked or high or tripping balls on something, they get tossed around by this loving man and they say "oh it was just the drugs." YA THINK? Abusive relationships are bad enough, but when you add drugs into the mix it`s certain doom, just like my comatose friend.
You can`t reason with them, because they know what they`re doing. You can`t worry about them, because they`re not little kids anymore. Well, they have me there, because it will be very hard to reason with and worry about a cold, dead corpse with a needle sticking out of its arm. Hell, you may as well reason with a corpse with the way these drugs screw with their minds. And therein lies the sad part - once they get hooked on whatever shit they`re taking, it`s damn near impossible to reason with them. You can`t help them. They don`t want your help. They can quit any time they want to - just not now. Kids are so stupid these days. The ubiquitous peer pressure that gets them hooked on this stuff, the pressure from lovers that eventually gets them to chew on a morphine patch; it will never end unless people wake up and realize this is a bigger problem than a lot of you realize - and it starts with the loved ones of addicts.
If you can tell someone you know and love is on some kind of drug, you need to take action. Don`t start worrying about being a "bad friend" or overbearing or whatever else stops people from getting drug addicts help - GET THEM SOME KIND OF HELP. Kick their ass if you have to (but wait until they`re off the drug). Don`t fall for the bullshit that this is just teens being teens, this is IDIOTS being IDIOTS.Drugs are like a cancer that keeps growing and growing, the only difference is that you enjoy the cancer. You want more and more until eventually, in a bout of you "knowing what you`re doing," you`re another cold, dead, finished statistic. I don`t give a shit HOW much someone tells you know what they`re doing or can control themselves - AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME they`re full of shit, because they are.Part of the problem ispeople who know someone hooked on drugs doing nothing at all. I hate to sensationalize this, but if you really loved the people, you`d get them the help they NEED. You would take your friend to the hospital if he stabbed his weiner with a fireplace poker - where`s the logic in standing around and watching them KILL THEMSELVES? DON`T be as stupid as they are and believe they know what they`re doing.
You`ve heard all the reasons - I was hurting and needed a way to dull the pain. I got hooked and couldn`t quit. My lover made me. The good news is, while you`re hooked you aren`t in your right mind. The best time to reason with an addict is when they`re not high. Don`t throw one of those Hollywood movie shitfests while the person is snorting coke. There is an alternative to everything that doesn`t involve some disgusting drug. Even if you have to do some kind of intervention, isolate the afflicted loved one and tell them how much you truly care and love them - DO IT. People NEED to know that they have people in their lives that support them and would be absolutely heartbroken to see them perish at the hands of a drug. They NEED that, absolutely.
If you are listening to these words and you are addicted to some kind of drug, would it help to know that I CARE? Would it help to know that if you`re taking these drugs because no one cares about you that I personally give a damn? I want people to live their lives to the best of their ability and free from the tethers of danger andaddiction. I`m not some God-fearing interventionist or counselor, but I like to think that on a basic level, I`m a humanitarian. I have witnessed too many people in my life succumb and fall to drugs, and I can sympathize with those who have a loved one slipping away and don`t know what to do. I can tell you that people DO care, and if everyone else supposedly doesn`t give a shit, I DO. Roll your eyes and tell me I`m full of shit, chances are if you`re taking some kind of drug, you`re going to do what you think you have to do anyway. All I ask is that you do all you can the free yourself from your addiction for the benefit of yourself, and for the benefit of those that surround you that care and feel helpless. I`ll even offer up my email address, firstname.lastname@example.org to those who think they`re at a dead end and need someone to talk to, but chances are good that there is someone other than me much closer to you that wants to see you healthy and free.
Finally, to the family of my friend who thinks what she was doing was just something teens do - SHAME ON YOU. Shame on you for allowing such a simple and worthless explanation cross your minds and justify her careless, helpless and apathetic lifestyle. Shame on you for not stepping in at the first sign of her pathetic boyfriend abusing her. Shame on you for waiting until NOW to care and see the true inherent danger of what she was into. You are all just as guilty as her, and hopefully, if it`s not too damn late, you wake up and realize that this is a bigger problem than what you thought it was - "teens just being teens." How PATHETIC.
I give a shit. I have seen this too much in my short life. I am hoping my words motivate those around an addict to TAKE ACTION. I am hoping those who hear my words that are on drugs realize that there are other means to deal with a life gone wrong. I am hopeful that my incessant yammering up to this point is drilling the insides of your head like a jackhammer on concrete. Please, for the sake of humanity, TRY to help those afflicted. Please, for the sake of humanity, TRY to get clean and free yourself. Don`t end up like my friend, don`t end up like my cousin, don`t end up like the friends I`ve witness pass by me in a casket and end up six feet under when they were already five feet into the grave with their usage. I will reiterate that I am offering my e-mail address to anyone who feels like they have no one to talk to about their addiction or about the addiction of someone else close to them - email@example.com. And once again, chances are good that someone closer to you is willing to listen. YOU JUST HAVE TO TRY.
Drugs are not love. Death is not love. Drugs are death, and taking action - THAT`S love.
However, my Daily Dumbass award still stands. However, there are no congratulations to be given for attaining such an award for such an emotional and controversial feat of ineptitude, carelessness, hopelessness, stupidity, cretinism, disregard, reckless abandon, apathy, shamelessness, selfishness, blatant neglect, negligence, haphazardness, foolishness, inanity, nonchalance, despondency, and the ultimate combination of these adjectives to form one word describing drug abusers and the people that surround them alike: Confusion. Sometimes, you don`t know where to turn, if you care about an abuser sometimes they`ll tell you they`re done only to keep going back for more and eventually, you believe they really know what they`re doing, and you stop trying. You can end the confusion by merely TRYING and refusing to give up. The biggest lie drug abusers tell is that nobody cares. BULLSHIT. You let them KNOW that someone cares, and if you don`t do that, you may as well sign their death certificate for them and plan their funeral.
So, in the end, it`s stupidity thatleads you in to drugs, but it`s the help of others and your OWN willpower that will get you to leave it all behind. Don`t give up. Drug addicts, don`t give up on trying to get clean - and those who care - don`t quit trying to lead them in the right direction. That`s all it takes.
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