October 14th, 2009 10:56 EST
World Series Predictions by Unusual Means
`Tis the season for World Series predictions, `tis it not? I see them everywhere, based on all kinds of statistics like pitching staff ERAs, head-to-head match up results, batting average, on-base percentage, and the like. My predictions never involve these since these involve numbers and numbers are something I try to avoid. Who needs numbers when I have a fool-proof prediction method that is occasionally accurate? How accurate, you ask? Sorry, that would involve numbers again.
Just as Chicago sports teams can be used to predict the Stock Market (when the Bulls are winning, it`s a bull market and when the Bears are winning, well, you get the idea), the World Series can be predicted in unusual ways. (In case you wonder what happens when the White Sox win, so do I.)
Just follow these rules and prediction is a breeze:
Rule 1: This is the year for teams with repeating initials.
For instance, the (PP) Philadelphia Phillies won. So did the (nYY) New York Yankees and the (lAA) L.A. Angels. The (MT) Minnesota Twins came up short. Hard to argue with that logic, right?
Rule 2: This is the year for teams with stadiums named after them.
Yankee Stadium--Yankees win. Dodger Stadium-- Dodgers win. Fenway Park-- Bye Bye, Red Sox.
Corollary: Teams that play in stadiums named after beer will lose (Busch Stadium, Coors Field).
Rule 3: The team with the longer name wins. Check it out for yourself.
The Los Angelos Angels (16 letters) beat the Boston Red Sox (only 12).
The Philadelphia Phillies (20 letters) took out the Colorado Rockies (15).
What about the New York Yankees and the Twins, you may say, if you have hung in this far? Don`t they both have the same number of letters? You, of course, have forgotten that the Yankees have two spaces in their name as compared to the Twins. Didn`t the Cardinals have a letter edge on the Dodgers? Only if you spell out Saint which is usually not done.
As a result of all this foolishness, I determine that the Angels will beat the Dodgers in six games. How did I come up with that? Wouldn`t you like to know! I`ll admit that my methodology is a ridiculous crock, but I bet I am just as accurate as 99% of the other "expert" prognosticators. Oops, I forgot that I hated numbers.
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