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Published:October 27th, 2009 21:52 EST
Top Ten Worst Sports Teams' Names (Bottom Ten?)

Top Ten Worst Sports Teams' Names (Bottom Ten?)

By Geoff Dean

 I have stated in previous contributions that I am a Colts fan who hopes that they lose shortly so as to take the pressure of a potential perfect season off my shoulders. So what do they do? Beat the Rams 42-6! Thanks a lot.

 That off my chest, I want to look into the problem of sports teams with lame names. This is, of course, a world-wide phenomenon (in Japan, where I live there are the Nippon Ham Fighters of baseball, the Nagoya Grampus Eight of soccer, and Toyama Grouses-don`t ask me!) but I want to focus in on teams in North America since this will make it easier for lazy, old me.

10-The Ottawa Rough Riders and Saskatchewan Rough Riders (Canadian Football League)

 The CFL has some of the worst team names in North America (Argonauts, Stampeders, Eskimos) but these two teams take the prize. In a league with only 9 or 10 teams (OK, I didn`t bother to check. I`m lazy, remember!), they have two teams with the same name. And not exactly a catchy one, either.

9-Chicago White Sox and Boston Red Sox (tie)

 Naming a team after the color of their socks? Spelling socks wrong? A team logo of a picture of socks? I know the great history and all, but still, sorry, the names are stupid!

8-Los Angelos Lakers

 When you move a team, feel free to change the name if it no longer fits. Minneapolis Lakers? Reasonable. Los Angelos Lakers? Pardon me?

7-Indiana Pacers

 I love the Pacers and have attended many home games. Still, no disrespect intended, the name is lame. I assume there is some connection to the pace car at the Indianapolis 500 but it is unclear. Pacing, as Pacers must do, is something a good sports player should not do, is it not? Why not call them the Brooders or the Worry Warts?

6-Cleveland Browns

 They have some of the best and most patient fans in America but they have orange helmets, not brown (I know it`s someone`s name but still...) They sound like a breakfast side at McDonald`s.

5-Buffalo Bills

 The Bills adds nothing to the name. The logo is a Buffalo so why not just call them the Buffalo Buffaloes? And do we really want to honor Buffalo Bill, a man who was hardly environmentally friendly and has nothing to do with Buffalo, New York for that matter.

4-Philadelphia Phillies

 They may be on their way to repeating as World Series Champions but they still have a ridiculous name. Were they named by Dr. Seuss? Why not call them the Fillies? At least, it means something. Or maybe every team should follow the Phillies` lead. We could have the Baltimore Balties, and the Milwaukee Millies, and the Phoenix Phoenies. The Phillies` logo is an ornate "P". In other words, they have no real team name.

3-Cincinnati Bengals

 Why do I include them? What`s wrong with "Bengals"? They have shortened Bengal tiger to Bengals which, outside of the NFL, is not done. It`s just weird. Imagine the Anchorage Polar Bears (they don`t exist, but if the NFL needs a new expansion idea....) just taking the "Polar" and dropping the Bears part. The Anchorage Polars. Sound stupid? That`s what the Bengals did. Cincinnati Bengal Tigers? Great. Cincinnati Bengals? Remarkably lame!

2-Utah Jazz

 As I said with the Lakers, feel free to change the name when the team moves. For instance, the Colorado Rockies moved to New Jersey and became the New Jersey Devils. After all, New Jersey Rockies wouldn`t make much sense. When the New Orleans Jazz moved to Utah, nobody could be bother to come up with a more Utahy name. Utah Jazz? Give me a break. I just hope the New York Yankees never move to Mississippi. The name Mississippi Yankees could cause a lot of trouble.

1-Houston Texans

 In the history of lame sports names, this must be the lamest. It`s like nobody bothered to come up with a name at all. I think the Dallas Cowboys should sue them since they have an equal right to be called Texans. What if every NFL team got lazy like the Texans? We could have the Pittsburgh Pennsylvanians and the New York New Yorkers and the Seattle Washingtonians and the Chicago Illinoisians (what do you call people from Illinois anyway?) I propose to the commissioner of the NFL that from now on, expansion franchises should never been given to any person or group to lazy to come up with a team name!

 Does anyone have any other lame team names? Please feel free to write and I`ll pretend to be gald to hear from you.

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