Contact theSOPAbout theSOPSupport theSOPWritersEditorsManaging Editors
theSOP logo
Published:December 17th, 2009 14:18 EST
List Of Top Ten Nightmares Facing Tiger Woods

List Of Top Ten Nightmares Facing Tiger Woods

By Robert Paul Reyes

The Associated Press has named disgraced golfer Tiger Woods as the Athlete of the Decade. Tiger dominated the decade winning 56 PGA Tour tournaments, including 12 majors. Most of the ballots were returned before Woods was exposed as the Dirtbag of the Decade.

Tiger Woods enjoyed the respect of his colleagues, the admiration of his fans, and he was very well compensated by his many sponsors.

But all that is over. What can Tiger Woods look forward to during the next ten years?

STDs

Tiger Woods didn`t exactly sleep around with Vestal Virgins, and he never used protection. You play, you pay!

PAPARAZZI TROUBLE

Welcome to Britney Spear`s world, scumbag! You expose your genitals, or you sleep with a gazillion skanks and you become tabloid fodder. When cowardly Tiger finally emerges from his mansion, he will be hounded by photographers.

DIVORCE

This won`t be a quick and easy divorce, pal! You don`t divide a billion dollar empire in a few weeks.

RIDICULE

Tiger have you checked out all the YouTube videos that mock and ridicule you? Are you afraid to tune in to the late night comics? Buster, get used to it, it`s not going to let down anytime in the near future.

JEALOUS BOYFRIENDS/HUSBANDS

Most of the ladies that Tiger slept with were in committed relationships, there has to be at least one furious boyfriend who will go to any lengths to exact revenge.

EROSION OF TALENT

Even with the steroids that Tiger allegedly uses his talent and power will inevitably decline. Sometime in the next few years, Tiger will no longer be the most feared man on the golf course.

LOW CALIBER SPONSORS

Tiger may be drinking Hennessy in his home, but he will be reduced to hawking malt liquor on TV. The prestige sponsors won`t want to touch Tiger with a ten-foot pole.

CLINICAL DEPRESSION

You don`t go from the king to the court jester without suffering from severe depression.

REALITY TV SHOW

Dude you are now in the same league with Flavor Flav, in a couple of years I won`t be surprised to see you in a reality TV show.

DEATH

Tiger Woods is a coward who refuses to man up, put his big girl panties on and face the public. He may take the easy way out.

Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes