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Published:April 16th, 2007 06:30 EST
Critiquing Don Imus's Appearance: Scary comments from a scary-looking man

Critiquing Don Imus's Appearance: Scary comments from a scary-looking man

By Inactive Writer

He has a history of verbal attacks that go beyond the most recent one about the Rutgers women's basketball team. How does Imus and his "looks" get off scot-free from this situation? Well, it is probably because some people are not jerks.

All of the publicity that he has been getting has exposed his physical appearance which is actually quite ghastly. But the real question is, who does he resemble?

Popular wisdom would point to the Cryptkeeper as his number one "look-a-like." Come to think of it, Don Imus and the Cryptkeeper are probably good buddies. I can see them kicking back at one of Don's four houses or even shooting the breeze in the Cryptkeeper’s basement. Both of them generally do not have positive things to say about people.

Imus also bears a resemblance to the longtime actor Patrick McGoohan. He played King Edward I in Braveheart. Ironically, Edward is historically known for expelling all Jews from England in the late 1200's. I guess history repeats itself. But not only does Don look like King Edward I, but he also looks like the statue of King Edward I in the United Kingdom.

So what does the future hold for Mr. Don Imus? A new radio gig? Nah, he has to set his sights higher. He should audition for Rob Zombie's next film. He would have been a star in The Devil's Rejects. Maybe FOX will come up with a reality series that puts controversial bigots in the same house. They can call it "The Cuckoo's Nest." The housemates could be Imus, Rush Limbaugh, Mel Gibson and Michael Richards with Oprah as the landlord. And if that needed more spice, additional tenants like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton would surely do the trick.