August 20th, 2007 04:27 EST
Illegals Aliens Get U.S. Citizenship via Savage Nation?
No, no, no, Michael Savage has not lost his good mind. The good doctor is not offering U.S. citizenship and respectability to millions of illegal aliens who agree to become "savageized!"
However, undocumented criminals are being offered a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, with the American Dream thrown in at no extra cost, for those who sign-up for this rip-off before the onset of Indian summer.
Promoted by snake oil purveyors no longer able to coax a respectable living out of used teepee or totem pole fraud, and with too much ethics to join Al Gore's global warming hoax, this new scheme allows illegal aliens to join an Indian tribe.
By doing so, said invaders are allegedly able to secure U.S. citizenship and avoid deportation by Homeland Security demons operating under the direction of Michael Chertoff, who heads that department when not otherwise engaged in his official duties as the Anti-Christ.*
And, why would any self-respecting illegal alien fall for such an obvious scam?
In order get answers to this vexing question, we contracted with illegal alien and ACLU attorney Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, who points with pride to the fact that his long name is designed to thwart even the most sophisticated system used by the U.S. government to prevent ID fraud and illegal immigration.
According to Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, there are seven compelling reasons why illegal aliens are attracted to the Indian tribe scam:
7. Marijuana and other recreational drugs OK;
6. No back taxes to fret;
5. No mean-spirited American history exams;
4. No need to work;
3. No snoopy criminal, credit or medical background checks;
2. No need to learn no stinkin' English;
And The Number One Reason Illegal Aliens Fall For Indian Citizenship Scams:
1. No need to join the Catholic Church or other pervert-friendly religious cults.
In addition, the 'savage nation' offer beats the Hades out of proposals made by liberals.
Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez expanded on that last point by noting that liberals require illegal aliens to register as Democrats before becoming U.S. citizens, and to sign an Oath of Allegiance that requires them to vote a straight Democrat ticket for life, and thereafter as needed in really tight elections.
According to Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, voting for Democrats is just as distasteful to enlightened, tax-weary Mexican peasants as it is to most Americans.
Besides, liberals are constantly pushing affirmative action and diversity programs that will only get in the way of macho politics once the new Hispanic majority takes over America, which could come sooner rather than later if Americans are stupid enough to elect a Democrat president and Congress in 2008!
In other words, affirmative action is a civil rights imperative as long as white people remain the majority, but will become an evil tool of racism when used to knowingly help minority Caucasians.
President Bush, reached on Air Force One en route to campaign for the presidency of the North American Union (NAU) next week, had this to say to illegal aliens tempted by savage nation offers:
"I encourage all good-hearted, hard-working illegal aliens to do their invading the "American Way." In other words, just jump a fence and head north.
Upon arriving in 'merica, immediately apply for food stamps, welfare, education and health care benefits to establish a history of residency and dependency.
Next, have an "anchor baby" or six to keep Chertoff from shipping your illegal butt back.
Then, just kick back and wait. In short order, a batch of traitorous RINOs, led by a dysfunctional president, will pass an amnesty bill-- it will be called ‘guest worker’ to confuse the taxpaying public-- and before you can join a protest march to demand your non-existent rights, y'all will be legalized and on a fast path to citizenship.
All without selling your souls or scalps to the real savages-- i.e., the Democrats!
Above all else, amigos, remember that Uncle Sam will soon be Uncle NAU, and your beloved Jorge will be presidente of the NAU!
*My Way: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070817/D8R2VJ202.html