January 26th, 2009 14:31 EST
Nancy Pelosi: Condoms Can Save America!
According to Speaker Nancy Pelosi, U.S. taxpayers need to spend several hundred million dollars onbirth control in order to help stimulate the depressed economy.
As reported, in part, on the Drudge Report, Reference 1:
"Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi boldly defended a move to add birth control funding to the new economic "stimulus" package, claiming "contraception will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government."
"Pelosi, the mother of 5 children and 6 grandchildren, who once said, "Nothing in my life will ever, ever compare to being a mom," seemed to imply babies are somehow a burden on the treasury.
The revelation came during an exchange Sunday morning on ABC`s THIS WEEK.
STEPHANOPOULOS: Hundreds of millions of dollars to expand family planning services. How is that stimulus?
PELOSI: Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children`s health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs. One of those - one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government. "
Pelosi`s unique thoughts for dealing with the economic crisis may spawn a whole new era of progressive and not-so-progressive economic solutions such as:
War is hell, but it works!
America recovered from the Great Depression, not because of President Roosevelt`s "new deal" of socialism andbig government, but because of his behind the scenes finageling that dragged America into World War 11.
Bullets, tanks, war ships, fighter planes, and shipping hundreds of thousands of young men and women over seas saved America in the 1940s and the same strategy can do so again.
President Obama needs to reinstate the draft and start two or three wars as soon as possible!
Guns Kill--and That is Good for the Economy!
One of the greatest obstacles to free market growth andeconomic expansion is the anti-gun thinking of left wing nut balls like Nancy Pelosi.
After all, increased gun sales mean more shooting deaths and a bigger bang for the stimulus buck.
Eliminate all federal, state, and local controls on gun sales and ownership and watch the economy go Boom!
Drunk Driving--Your Patriotic Duty!
Drunk driving resulting in fatal crashes can be a real win-win for the American economy, especially when the drunk driver wipes out himself and several innocent, non-tax paying leeches in one horrific mess.
Intellectuals like Nancy Pelosi should encourage widespread drunk driving by running catchy national slogans like this:
"Drunk Driving causes fatal car crashes which stimulate the economy. Do your part by drinking and driving as much as possible, especially in crowded residential areas!"
Addition by Subtraction: The Case for Abortion!
With the economy in turmoil, unemployment sky high, and home foreclosures out pacing new home construction and sales, responsible progressives need to promote abortion as an alternative to bankruptcy.
In this scenario, Nancy Pelosi should deliver a personal message to American women facing pregnancy and bankruptcy at the same time. A spot featuring the bug-eyed grandma would work wonders with the following monologue:
"Hello, I am Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives.
"I know that many pregnant women are worried about how they will support a new baby without a job and with credit cards maxed out.
"Relax. We Democrats are here to help you make it through these tough economic times.
"Democrats are compassionate people who care about the average Josephine and her financial issues. Which is why I am pleased to announce that the economic stimulus bill includes an abortion bail out that may solve all of your problems.
"For pregnant Catholic girls, rest assured that the Catholic Fathers have never really decided when life begins, so this is not a matter that will in any way impact your right to Holy Communion or your good standing in the Church.
"Best of all, federal abortion funding is now available!
There you go, a simple but effective set of actions that the government can take to shake of this hideous economic downturn!