December 6th, 2009 14:18 EST
Top Ten Reasons Why Santa Claus Is A Bad Role Model
"American obesity rates are the highest in the developed world with 64% of adults being overweight or obese, and 26% are obese.
Everybody loves Jolly Old Saint Nick, but in a nation plagued by obesity we shouldn`t be promoting an icon who is so damn fat.
HIS GREETING "HO, HO, HO" IS POLITICALLY INCORRECT
Britney Spears, Madonna, Pamela Anderson, Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey, Lil` Kim, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton wince every time they hear a mall Santa exclaim, "Ho, Ho, Ho", they think he`s referring to their sexual promiscuity.
HE`S A BIG SHILL
Santa endorses every product under the sun, from male enhancement drugs to Barbie dolls. Santa makes Billy Mays, the TV pitchman notable for his yelling delivery and his dyed beard, look like a piker.
HE OPERATES A SWEAT SHOP IN THE NORTH POLE
OK, so the elves probably don`t sweat very much in the freezing temperatures in the North Pole, but they aren`t unionized and they work around the clock to make enough toys for all the little brats in the world.
HE`S CRUEL TO ANIMALS
I`m surprised PETA hasn`t spoken out against Santa, it`s a crime how he mistreats his reindeer. Cupid, Dancer, Vixen, Rudolph and Blitzen may be remarkably strong for their breed, but it`s animal cruelty to force them to haul around enough presents for every person in the world.
HE`S FASHION CHALLENGED
Does he always have to wear that stupid red suit? Why can`t he wear red shorts and a Hawaiian shirt when he`s in Honolulu, and lavender tights and a jaunty red cap when he`s in San Francisco?
HE`S A WIMP WHO DOESN`T KNOW HOW TO SAY "NO"
A six-year-old brat will sit on Santa`s lap and ask for a pony, How To Make Bombs for Dummies, a video game console, a DVD player and a BB gun and the old fool will promise to bring him everything he asked for. Santa is creating little monsters who expect their parents to be like him and grant them their every wish.
HE`S A MALE CHAUVINIST PIG
When`s the last time you saw Santa and Mrs Claus together? Probably never! The sexist pig always leaves the little Mrs. at home.
HE VIOLATES OUR PRIVACY
He comes down our chimney uninvited and he knows if we`ve been bad or good -- he doesn`t need no stinkin` Patriot Act to invade our privacy.
HE DOESN`T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS
Ever hear of anybody suing Santa? I think not! If your stupid kid breaks your toe by dropping a fruitcake on it, you can`t sue the fat old fool who left it by the Christmas tree. If your kid crashes his new mini bike into a telephone poll, good luck suing Jolly Old Saint Nick.
Follow Robert Paul Reyes on Twitter: http://twitter.com/robertpaulreyes