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Published:November 11th, 2008 06:41 EST
The Art of Protecting Your Pork!

The Art of Protecting Your Pork!

By Rocco Loosbrock


You`ve experienced it a thousand times.


 You lovingly and dedicatedly take the time, energy and effort necessary to painstakingly and meticulously build yourself the world`s all time greatest bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich and just as you`re about to enjoy the meat " of your labor  take your very first delicious bite of that baby "..


You suddenly, get that all important phone call from Donald Trump or Elton John that you have been waiting for all week long, or the totally hot twins from next-door that you have been uncontrollably salivating over for months are all of a sudden " knocking at the door, or Grandma once again falls down two flights of stairs on roller skates while your brother accidentally staples their forehead to the coffee table and needs your help.


You know, the normal, every day occurrences that we all meander through, day in and day out.


Then when you finally return to the refrigerator, where you left your tasty treasure all carefully and snuggly wrapped up for protection in that really expensive, thick, bullet proof cellophane   " it`s gone, kaput, out of  there!


Some JERK actually came along and ate it while you were attending to the daily necessities of life.


Is that fair? No, no it isn`t!


Or how about those times when you pack your lunch for work and put it in the company fridge to keep it pristinely perfect till it`s time to eat. Then right before lunch, Paris Hilton stops by to show you what she picked up shopping on Rodeo Drive and by the time you scurry her off to her next event, you discover that some JERK ate your BLT.


Wake up and smell the bacon my friend, the allure of your bacony feast is just way too strong for even good, law-abiding citizens to avoid and fight off the temptation to steal your lunch. So what is a starving Bacon Freak to do? I`ll tell you what!


You need an Anti-Theft BLT Lunch Baggie!


All you have to do is take some art supplies and quickly paint some extremely nasty green, brown, yellow and black splotches on the outside of the bag to make it look like disgusting, oozing mold, rot and sure, instantaneous DEATH in awaiting anyone who even dares to touch " your lunch. That way, whenever your BLT is waiting for you in a communal refrigerator, no one in their right mind will even consider the idea of trying to eat it.


Signing off at Pigging out!
Rocco "Boss Hog" Loosbrock

Use coupon code (sop) to get a 10% discount at


Rocco owns and runs a Bacon of the Month Club called The Bacon Freak Bacon is Meat Candy Bacon Club as well as a Wine Club called the Coastal Vineyard Wine Club