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Published:June 5th, 2007 05:30 EST
Stars And Soldiers And Missiles/You Don't Mind, Do Ya?

Stars And Soldiers And Missiles/You Don't Mind, Do Ya?

By Justin Brandt

So it`s been a few millennia since my last political psychobabble. Here`s the update: remember all the messes I wrote about two years ago? We`re in all of them slightly deeper now. End of update.

However, I`d like to issue a retraction. When I was discussing important stories being buried on the news ticker on television in the article "Redneck Drops Infant/That Whole Middle East Thingy", I made the joke that we would be force-fed some mindless, inane story about lawn furniture; while any news of Korea testing Nukes would run by for two seconds on the ticker. Of course, when Korea actually tested nuclear weapons a year ago, it was all over the news for weeks. I was way off base. I was just kidding, but I feel it`s worth a little apology.

On another note, our lovely U.S. of A. wants to put long range missiles all over Europe for protection, because having our troops stationed all over the world watching everyone isn`t good enough anymore (what with Iran and all). So long-time "Arch Nemesis" Russia is getting a little hot under the collar about this. If you`re even a year younger than I am, you may have forgotten that Russia and we were mortal enemies bent on each other`s destruction a few years ago, and find it difficult to still trust each other a short 20 years later. Putin has issued a statement about his worries about this project. And of course, the world pretends to act outraged that Putin does not trust America; and not that America goes to war with anyone who even thinks about nuclear weapons, then scatters its own missiles on bases all over everyone else`s astro-turf.

We don`t have too much power, really, we don`t. You`re imagining things. Everything`s fine, the American government is the only one you can trust anyway. It`s safe because we`re not fundamentalists; so all our excessive power will only be used for good. We`re like Superman, yeah that`s it, we`re the Superman of countries.

Sorry folks, it`s already too late.