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Published:July 24th, 2007 15:48 EST
Clinton and Clinton-- Two for the Price of One?  Again?

Clinton and Clinton-- Two for the Price of One? Again?

By Nancy Lee Wolfe (HR Development/Content Manager)

SATIRE

(Applause.  Applause.  Applause.)

Thank you.  Thank you very much.

Thank you.  Thank you very much, my fellow Democrats, my fellow Americans-- Friends, Chicagoans, Country Persons-- thank you.

[KEEP SMILING]

Tonight my heart is full of gratitude.  You know, twelve years ago I spent weeks on a train-- and starting with the 21st Century Express until now, I have had plenty of time to reflect on the debt I owe.  Let me begin by saying,

[LOOK UP-- she’s sitting next to Barbra Streisand.]

Hillary, Honey.  Thank you.

Thank you for your Law Degree

And for your lack of memory;

For your connections in commodities;

And, for our Family Symbol, Chelsea.  Thank you, Honey.

[LOOK SINCERE]

(Applause.  Applause.  Applause.)

Folks, tonight I’m reminded of a story I heard as a child.  Yes, it’s true, the church burned down that night; but I’ve never forgotten the story of the Prodigal Son.

Never having known MY father,

[PAUSE-- BREATH DEEPLY]

this story weighed heavily on my heart.  But, what I decided was this:  If forced to choose between the role of the Prodigal Son and the role of the jealous, no fun, party-pooping, stay-at-home, martyr Son; then, I say, “Let me be the Prodigal!”

[BEAT PODIUM]

What I have learned-- and Hillary can tell you this-- is:  It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.  And I am thankful for THAT!

(Applause.  Applause.  Applause.)

You know, whether we like it or not, we find ourselves speeding down the Super Information Highway, running now within this new millennium; and, what we’ve learned is that we aren’t afraid of anything, any rule, anyone.

[CHUCKLE HERE]

Brothers and Sisters, tonight I want to talk to you about three things.  These are the things which will define our destiny and the destiny of our children.

The first thing I want to talk about is accomplishment-- Hillary’s accomplishment.  Do you believe it?  You’ve been hearing about this all week; so, I’ll not dwell too long here.  However, when you see Jessie Jackson, Mario Cuomo and Rudy Giuliani come to this podium to endorse Hillary-- will you believe?

Well, this may surprise you; but, I’ll believe, too!

[CHUCKLE; BE HUMBLE]

I’ll leave the accolades to others and just say this:  HILLARY AND I KEPT EVERY PROMISE WE MEANT TO KEEP!

[BEAT PODIUM]

(APPLAUSE.  APPLAUSE.  APPLAUSE.)

The second thing I want to talk about is Values-- Hillary’s values.  In the past 12 years, I’ve learned many things from many people.  For example:

Attorney General Janet Reno taught me, “The buck stops there.”  I value that.

Vince Foster, bless his heart, taught me that some of us are better at this sport than others, and that the electorate has a very short memory.  I value that.

Former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders taught me that you simply cannot do it until you’re blind to public opinion.  I value that.

[LOOK TRIUMPHANT]

Yes, Friends, I have learned the meaning of Value and can honestly say how grateful, not to mention lucky, I am to be with you tonight.

(APPLAUSE.  APPLAUSE.  APPLAUSE.)

The third, and most important, thing I want to talk to you about tonight is Vision-- Hillary’s Vision.  You know, the Old Testament tells us in Proverbs 29:18-- and I was just reading this to Chelsea, “Where there is no Vision, the people perish.”

Tonight, Friends, Hillary and I HAVE this Vision.  We envision a land where Americans follow us unquestionably, unconditionally and repeatedly.

We envision an American who, like the Israelites of old-- and, I might add, like my good wife, Hillary-- overlooks the occasional shortcomings of King David.

We envision Americans who, rather than dwelling on the trivial past, continue to heed the words of that great American family, Fleetwood Mac, “Don’t Stop Thinking about Tomorrow!”

And, let me say this:  Because Hillary and I value the Judeo-Christian foundation of our heritage, I’ll call one more thing to your attention.  The New Testament, in the Book of Acts-- and, remember, I’ve never actually been CAUGHT in one--

[IF YOU LAUGH, THEY WILL]

-- In the Book of Acts, chapter 2, verse 17, God says, “Your young men will see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.”  I feel sure this means women, too; and, Hillary dreams dreams!  Hillary is a dreamer!

Therefore, tonight, I gratefully and proudly ask you to dig deep-- deeper.  Come on, Cisneros, you owe more than that; and you know it!

Finally, there’s a lot of talk about Barack Obama giving us a run for your money.  No, no.  Obama thinks he can stroll into the Oval Office with one term under his belt that he snatched by default; but, I say, “Obama, yo’ mama!”

DIG DEEP! Thank you.  Thank you very much.

(APPLAUSE.  APPLAUSE.  APPLAUSE.)