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Published:April 27th, 2010 20:22 EST
Christians and Circumspect Me

Christians and Circumspect Me

By Andy Wright

The day was no different from any other - me being me, fairly depressed about having to go to work even though it`s what I`ve come to expect for quite some time now, and anticipation of that sweet California trash that shops where I work. This day, however, was to be unlike any other. It was a day for learned men. It was a day of learning about myself.

I fear Christians. This is what I learned. I am extremely cautious around Christians who are visibly Christian.

While at work (or conceivably anywhere, given my natural uneasiness), two guys dressed well were walking around outside, reluctantly going into other stores in the strip mall. I found it a bit suspicious, but I never thought that they could be what they were. They finally came back around for another pass of "window shopping", and entered the store. I approached them with caution and greeted them. They were slowly making their way around the store and eventually approached me. One of them said: "I have a question." It was at that very instant that even a fly`s wings could have stopped mid-flap when I noticed they were wearing name tags, and above the name was "Christian....something or other....Church". Hopefully my face did not betray me, because I was frightened. Luckily, his question was about something we sold and not about my current soul state.

They went on their way looking about the store, apparently on some sort of lunch break where, presumably, even god was witnessing them. The one who spoke earlier, kept calling me over for other questions, and every time I was scared of where it would lead.

Finally, they left with only an unanswered question about the Sony PSP in their wake. It was then that I realized that having Christians, who are emitting their Christianity in some way, around me could very possibly be my hell. If hell exists, and all the implications that go along with it are real, then it would consist of a millions upon millions of young people, ranging from 19 to 37, walking around me, passively acknowledging me, avoiding interacting with me but seeming like they`re eventually going to, keeping me on edge, awaiting the inevitable mini pamphlet about new and improved Jesus, but never actually coming out and doing it. I, walk around, trying not to engage them, but I feel obligated to, and so I move about them, cautiously, ready to take their literature or to turn it down, usually undecided until the actual moment of reckoning, never making any head way into getting these Christians away from me. They`re all so polite, why should I be rude to them? I make my way through the crowd of passive aggressive faith, feeling judgment and curiosity of my plans for my soul. However, they keep coming in, and those already in, never walk out. My lunch break never comes and the other employee working that shift never comes back from a "quick errand".

I guess I`m still stuck in that catch 22 between approaching Christians with more ambition or avoiding them and hoping hell doesn`t turn out to be real so I don`t have to eternally avoid them.