January 24th, 2007 16:49 EST
Of Spring, Baseball, and Baby Birds
Now that the cold, gray days of December and January are nearly behind us, it is time to start musing about, and planning for, spring.
Already, daylight hours are growing longer, little by little, day by day. Precious minutes of extra sunshine are reminders from the Almighty that better days are just around the corner.
Other signs make it obvious that spring is about to bless us once again: Plants dormant until now are starting to sprout tiny buds that will soon develop into beautiful flowers of infinite color and splendor.
Trees and other vegetation are also showing the beginnings of new life that will evolve into magnificent bushes and weeping willows. Soon.
Indeed, a check of the calendar confirms where Mother Nature is headed: In just seven short weeks, it will officially be spring! Plenty of wonderful things happen during the rituals of spring.
For example, my ex-wife and I were manacled to each other on what was otherwise a very pleasant spring afternoon. OK, spring is not limited to wonderful events--sh** happens, even in March!
Still, spring is a joy to behold.
For fanatics like me, late January signals the rebirth of the "greatest game ever played," that being baseball.
In just three weeks or so, baseball batteries--pitchers and catchers--will report to Spring Training camps in Arizona and Florida. These millionaires with attitude will descend upon cities like Vero Beach, Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Mesa.
Spring is not without it's screwball ball players. Example: Every year at least one of baseball's multi- millionaire superstars misses the opening of training camp in order to take care of "personal business."
Excuse me, Mr. Superstar. You have had 4.5 months to tend to your personal affairs. You are being paid $20 million a year, but can not manage your life well enough to report to spring training on time?
If I were the general manager involved, I would advise Mr. Superstar that there is only one condition under which an extension would even be considered: That would be if a cardiologist advised the player, in writing, that his only hope for survival was an immediate heart transplant.
Anything less severe would be unacceptable, and the player would be told to get his $20,000,000 butt in gear---and into camp on time!
Spring also means the return of thousands of lively birds, chirping merrily in celebration of the joy of spring
About seven years ago, a bird couple decided to start their family in the fixture of the porch light of my home. It was not clear why they chose my porch for parenting, but there was no immediately obvious problem so I did not protest. The birds proceeded to build their nest with twigs from around the neighborhood.
And shortly thereafter, the parents and their baby chicks were gone, leaving behind only tattered twigs in what was their their love nest.
But wonder of wonder, the following spring, a bird couple again decided to build their nest in the exact same spot, in my porch light. And just like the previous year, the birds came, answered the call of nature, and then took the newborn brats elsewhere.
Didn't they realize that I am an unstable, right wing nutcase who could turn mean at any moment?
Wonder of wonders of wonders! Come next spring, two birds showed up and started erecting a nest at the very same spot, in that porch light. By now, however, the newness had worn off and this bird act was no longer cute.
Victory, I enthused! Those birds were gone, this time forever!
But when spring arrived the following year, so did a bird couple with family matters on their minds. Oblivious to my wishes and past eviction orders, the soon-to-be mom and dad started the usual ritual of gathering twigs and assembling a nest in the exact same location--in my porch light.
As a result, I decided that the birds can stay as long as they and their brats are off my porch by the time of the annual baseball All-star game, which is in mid-July.
Being a powerful white male is so rewarding!