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Published:February 28th, 2007 23:01 EST
Howard Dean's Version of  Get out the Vote

Howard Dean's Version of Get out the Vote

By John Lillpop


Democrat National Committee Chairman Howard Dean announced a new program to counter the "Catch an Illegal Alien" game played by Republicans on college campuses.

Dean has dubbed the Democrat program "Register an Illegal Alien."

This DNC initiative is expected to be an integral part of Dean's "Get out the Vote" campaign which he has already started to organize for the 2008 presidential elections.

The new Register an Illegal Alien drive will be patterned after existing DNC programs to register convicted felons and the deceased, both of which have been vital constituencies of the Democrat party for decades.

For example, most political scholars concede that John F. Kennedy's presidential victory in 1960 was made possible by thousands of votes cast by dead Democrats in Cook County, Illinois.

But Howard Dean is taking the science of "Vote Trolling" to new heights (or lows, if you prefer) and is even planning several registration drives in Mexico.

According to DNC insiders, Dean has purchased highly-sophisticated software that will enable Democrats to identify Mexican villages which are home to the greatest number of peasants most likely to invade America.

Armed with such data, Democrats will canvass the most promising Mexican villages in order to register prospective illegal aliens.

Each illegal alien will be paid five pesos upon arrival in an American city and after checking in with a local DNC office. New arrivals will be given Spanish-language brochures identifying vital information such as telephone numbers for social services, food stamps, hospitals, ACLU branches, and, of course, liquor stores and drunk driving defense attorneys.

Meanwhile, conservatives are considering a a new program to be titled "Deport an Illegal Alien," which is scheduled for roll-out on May 5, AKA Cinco de Mayo day!

satire by lillpop