August 4th, 2008 08:11 EST
Top Ten Reasons Why Montauk Monster Should Be John McCain's Vice President
*Only a dead person or a dead monster has less charisma than McCain. The senior senator from Arizona doesn`t have to worry about the monster upstaging him on the stump.
*With a running mate who is a rotting, stinking corpse, nobody will notice a couple of new lesions of skin cancer on McCain`s face.
*With the Montauk Monster as his Veep, McCain will have the dead demographic wrapped up. In some places like Chicago the dead have a penchant for voting, and in a close election that can mean the difference between winning and losing.
*If McCain chooses the Montauk Monster it will neutralize the issue of the Republican culture of corruption. If the Dems bring it up, McCain can claim that it`s a slight against the corrupting, decomposing flesh of his partner.
*It will also neutralize the issue of McCain`s advanced age. McCain can boast that it doesn`t matter if he dies in office, that death is no impediment to serving the people. He can point to the Montauk Monster as an example of a dead person who is living large and in charge.
*Americans are sick of the gridlock in Washington, they want change! The Montauk Monster is the ultimate outsider, and he just reeks of change.
*McCain/Montauk Monster: Alliteration equals votes!
*Nobody knows the gender or sexual orientation of the Montaux Monster. The beast will lock up the transgender/transvestite vote.
*The Montauk Monster is a worldwide sensation, he can counter the broad appeal of Barack Obama.
*This is the 21st century, Americans are ready for a monster in the White House.