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Published:August 4th, 2008 07:11 EST
Top Ten Reasons Why Montauk Monster Should Be John McCain's Vice President

Top Ten Reasons Why Montauk Monster Should Be John McCain's Vice President

By Robert Paul Reyes

*Only a dead person or a dead monster has less charisma than McCain. The senior senator from Arizona doesn`t have to worry about the monster upstaging him on the stump.

*With a running mate who is a rotting, stinking corpse, nobody will notice a couple of new lesions of skin cancer on McCain`s face.

*With the Montauk Monster as his Veep, McCain will have the dead demographic wrapped up. In some places like Chicago the dead have a penchant for voting, and in a close election that can mean the difference between winning and losing.

*If McCain chooses the Montauk Monster it will neutralize the issue of the Republican culture of corruption. If the Dems bring it up, McCain can claim that it`s a slight against the corrupting, decomposing flesh of his partner.

*It will also neutralize the issue of McCain`s advanced age. McCain can boast that it doesn`t matter if he dies in office, that death is no impediment to serving the people. He can point to the Montauk Monster as an example of a dead person who is living large and in charge.

*Americans are sick of the gridlock in Washington, they want change! The Montauk Monster is the ultimate outsider, and he just reeks of change.

*McCain/Montauk Monster: Alliteration equals votes!

*Nobody knows the gender or sexual orientation of the Montaux Monster. The beast will lock up the transgender/transvestite vote.

*The Montauk Monster is a worldwide sensation, he can counter the broad appeal of Barack Obama.

*This is the 21st century, Americans are ready for a monster in the White House.